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What Is Happening With My Drinking And My Anger?

by Samantha
(NY)

Hi I am 22 years old and I think there is something wrong with me. For the last year whenever I drink my anger comes out more than when I'm sober. And it's often out on my boyfriend. What runs through my head when I get angry is when I get fed up with his immaturity.

When I'm trying to be serious, he will say something like, "Men lost everything when women were given the right to vote." Why would you say that? Especially to a female who is already upset? Does he really think that would make me laugh? I told him he was lame and tried my hardest not to show anger, because I feel like that's what he said it for--to piss me off.


There's things that he says that just plain irk me to the bone. I slapped him the other night when I was drunk because of an issue that I feel will never be resolved. It includes him and my father arguing. You aren't supposed to be treated equally when you are dating someone's daughter. You should respect him to the fullest especially when he's right.

Why does he always make me feel like I'm in the wrong for being mad about things? He doesn't see my side. But when he's mad about something that I've done, he doesn't see that he's done the same to me once before. I'm tired of being angry. I've been told before that I need to control my temper many times. It seems like I can't though, like I get these ticks that set it off.

Why must I be so considerate of someone if they can't be as considerate of me. Oh, and then I love this one...he says, "I love it when you act like you're a 40 year old whose so much more mature than me." But if I wasn't and I was at his level, he would still be snortin' coke, smoking pot everyday, and he wouldn't have the job that my mother helped him to get. Also I would be that low with him.

But I'm not and I refuse to put up with that. Maybe I should just break up with him and forget about everything we had. I thought I was happy with him but I'm starting to realize I was more happy without him. I don't feel very good about myself when I'm around him. In my head I constantly repeat everything bad that happens. Everything hurtful that he's said. I want to give up on it all.



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hell Samantha, and thanks for telling your story here. I'll be glad to give you advice about your relationship, but first I need to comment on your drinking. You don't realize it, but you have pretty much identified yourself as being at least in the earliest stages of alcoholism.

You have to deal with your addiction first, before you're going to have any success in dealing with your relationship. It might, however, be a good idea for you to get apart from him, in order to get sober, if that's what you choose to do. If you don't choose to stop drinking, or get some help to stop or at least moderate your drinking, then any help I might offer here will be useless to you.

Take a look at this page on alcohol abuse and anger issues, and I think you'll find the help you need.

You have to put your health, sobriety and well being first in your life. Only then will you be able to have a healthy relationship. By the way, it sounds like your boyfriend will need lots of help and recovery before he'll be fit for a relationship also.

Make up your mind to create a good life for yourself, Samantha. You are worth it.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

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