Too Young To Be This Angry
(New York, NY)
I'm a 20 year old female working part time and going to school. Most things in my life don't annoy me to the point that my mother does. Although I do find myself getting impatient more easily than most of the people around me, I am generally able to keep myself calm and collected.
The one situation that makes me blow up into a furious, raging monster filled with anger is when I'm at home with my mother. Even the thought of her pisses me off. She always criticizes the things I do, the clothing I wear, the way I put on my makeup, and my choices about everything. She tries to control my life and prevent me from living.
Meanwhile, she does absolutely nothing with her life other than go to her job. She doesn't see friends, doesn't have a hobby, doesn't date. Instead she goes to work, comes home, does housework and complains about it all. Nothing is ever good enough for her. By the way she always criticizes me (she calls it "helpful advice") and yells at me.
Every time I fight back, she makes it seem like I'm not living up to her standards. But who the hell is she?! I'm always so furious in this house, and no matter what job I have, it's not enough for me to move out.
I want to get the hell away from her once and for all, because I'm sick of feeling like an enraged prisoner. I don't feel like me when I live with her, and unfortunately, my anger from home weighs on my shoulders and holds me down throughout my day. I'm so sick of living like this.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Alexandra, and thanks for telling your story here. It is great that you want to get out and be on your own. That is exactly what you have to do, if you want these problems to be solved.
I know it's hard to live independently when you're in school and working part time. I suggest that you do whatever it takes...get a different job or accept a less than optimum living situation, but just get out of the house with your mother. You may be unconsciously caught up in the problems with your mother, which makes it all the more important for you to get away on your own.
I think you will also benefit from the process described on this FAQ page, which is designed to help you emotionally let go of your parents.
You are totally in charge here, Alexandra, even though you may not feel like it. You are an adult, you have a job, and you don't have to live with anyone you don't enjoy.
Create a vision in your mind of the fun, happy, healthy life you want to live, and set your intention to create that for yourself. You can do this.
Use the three journaling processes described on this page to help you sort out your emotions and get clearly focused on what you want.
Believe in yourself and the wonderful person you know you are inside.
My very best to you,