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Tired And Retired

by Pete

I'm 45 years old and retired military. I have been taking orders and defending my country for over 20 years.

My drinking has caused me to lose a lot in my life but felt it was the only way I could cope with my life. Three failed marriages and my daughter disowning me has left me tired, bitter and resentful.

I have recently given up drinking because I have fallen back in love with my childhood girlfriend. However, her children are very overbearing and are constantly in our business.

Her 25 year old son is a good guy but he lives at home and feels he has the right to get into our affairs. Her 16 year old daughter is a whole other story, totally spoiled and rude to anyone she pleases, and everyone lets her do as she pleases. I can't stand to be around her and recently during one of my drunken black outs I called her a bitch and my girlfriends son wanted to fight me, he and I were both intoxicated.

I said and did mean things to my girlfriend and I can't even remember them. I just can't find it in me to apologize to her son or daughter as they have always made me feel inferior and like a total outsider. My girlfriend has a bunch of well to do goodie goodie friends and I really don't fit in. I feel all alone here but am very much in love with my girlfriend and just don't know what to do.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Pete, and thanks for telling your story here. And also thanks for your military service, and all you've sacrificed for our country.

It sounds to me like you're very early in your recovery from a serious history of alcoholism, if you're actually in recovery. This is priority one, and if you don't address it first, everything else becomes futile.

If you aren't already, I suggest you get in an Alcoholics Anonymous program and start working the 12 steps.

Your issues with your girlfriend's daughter, son and friends are just precursors to your next relapse, if you haven't relapsed already. If you really love her, you will learn to at least accept her daughter and son, and her friends.

Take a look at this page on ptsd for veterans, and see if there's anything there that might be useful to you.

Most important of all, get strong in your recovery, and do it for you. If you're doing it for your girlfriend or anyone else, it simply won't last.

Believe in yourself, Pete. Make a commitment to a good life for you, and get strong in that. Then and only then are you ready for a healthy relationship.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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