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When angry, which is often, my boyfriend starts yelling and heading for the door. He exits and slams the door behind him so there is no opportunity to utilize intervention techniques.
He remains gone the entire night and the next morning acts as if everything is ok and life should proceed as usual. If pushed to discuss the "argument" or explain why he exploded he makes a lame excuse--such as "I was tired"--or he blames me.
The situation became so dangerous, especially when I realized that alcohol was involved, I ended the relationship but I am still trying to recover.
I know I'm not supposed to take his outbursts personally but it's pretty hard when I seem to set them off and they're directed at me.
I've examined my behavior for stupidity but it seems I usually make a harmless remark that makes him blow up. I know I can't change him but how can I change myself to accept the finality of the situation?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It is good that you ended the relationship, and that now you want to let go and move on.
A lot of people have the same kind of problem you're having--you're not alone. You will find the help you need on our FAQ page. Follow those recommendations, and you will be able to let go and begin to love yourself enough to create a good life.
Do this for you--you are worth it! The more you value and believe in yourself, the better you will care for yourself. Keep this as your focus, and it will guide you well. No one can do this for you, but you can certainly do it for yourself.
My very best to you,
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