(Amarillo Texas USA)
To make my extremely long story short, my husband and I have had a lot of physical confrontations. He never beat me.
We are both 34 and have been married for 3 months, but together for 1 year. He has shoved me, literally spanked me because he said I was acting like a child. I am delayed a bit on the maturity part I agree.
I punched him in the face one night that he was drunk for a horrible name that he called me. Did he deserve it? Oh yeah, should I have done it? No. I regretted it after the fact for days.
I am the world's best communicator... or so I thought. My husband and I have been sober for 3 months now with the knowledge that alcohol makes us evil! My husband and I were having a disagreement this morning and I told him that I didn't like what he was saying, that I was hurt, and that is not the way to make this marriage work!
We got in the car to take him to work and every time we're in the car he rests his hand on my thigh except today. So I loudly told him "Fine! Don't touch me." He reply's "Well, you didn't touch me either." A lot of words passed and I parked right in front of his work truck so he couldn't leave until we got this worked out!
Of course that pissed him off. I asked him a question he ignored me so I picked up the 1st thing I saw and threw it aiming for the work truck. You guessed it! A piece of wood went flying, hit the truck, bounced off and nailed him above the right eyebrow!
Oh my GOD! What a goose egg with stripes from the wood! It was an accident and I was not aiming for him but I lost my temper as always. He took off around all the tall stacks of sheet metal stacked in the shop yard at his work. Running after him pleading for him to know that I didn't do it on purpose and telling him how very sorry I was, I tripped over a stack of sheet metal and sliced my inner right calf open 1/4" deep. Definitely in need of stitches.
So as you can see, not only do I make bad decisions, choices, and dumb impulsive asinine absurd things, but my marriage is in jeopardy because of my horrible temper! I need help, and by the grace of God, I will get it one day!
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Jamie, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad you asked for help here. This kind of violence, as you well know is very dangerous, and could be life-threatening. I encourage you to follow my recommendations, so that you can be the person you want to be.
If you do all of the exercises described on this FAQ page, consistently for a three month period, I think you will start gaining some control over your anger. God works from within you to heal you, and when you take these positive actions, it will help you to experience that healing.
It is great that you and your husband stopped drinking! If either of you start drinking again, I recommend immediate separation. Alcohol and violence are a deadly mix.
I also suggest that you and your husband read Getting The Love You Want by Dr. Harville Hendrix, and do all of the exercises in the back of the book together. That will greatly help your marriage.
Take this very seriously, Jamie, and you will get better. It is up to you, and I think you can and will do it, because you are a good person. You asked for help here because of your good heart, and you want to do better. Keep that focus, and do this work. It will help you, if you do it.
My very best to you,
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