Stuck In A Bad Loop
by Robotic Kitten
(Bay Area, CA, USA)
You Are Not A Robot
I am with a partner who has resorted to verbal, emotional and even physical abuse to express that he feels hurt (he says that's his reason). I told him frankly I believe he has control over his behavior and I am tired of putting up with it. He has not stopped.
I am financially enmeshed with him. We live together in one of the most expensive cities in the United States. We have a lease on an apartment for a year. We talked about getting help, he started reading a book about emotional abuse with me and said he would go to equine therapy and look into anger management.
I recently started working with a therapist on my own complex PTSD issues from childhood trauma. I trusted him with a lot of this information, and have been feeling positive about getting support and who I am. I thought we were working it out, but I was hurt last night when he told me that I wasn't there for him emotionally in a group setting by yelling at me, calling me names and punching at me through his car window. My part was running after him and trying to control his outburst.
My biggest problem is I no longer trust or respect him. He doesn't seem to see me as human, he likes to call me a robot, make fun of me. I am doing everything I can, and I am pretty sad that I don't trust this man anymore and he seems incapable of change. I know I am changing and capable of change, and that if I had financial resources beyond what I have now and wasn't afraid of his temper, I would likely just walk away, as he does not seem to care about how his actions hurt me, only that he is hurt.
Every time I try to express myself he calls me selfish and says he has to get his emotional needs met elsewhere. The only thing I can do is change myself. But my life has become a non-stop drama and he has been violent and hurtful in a way that is really affecting me. He said today he would get help for his anger and "get his emotional needs met elsewhere" and then made fun of a book I ordered on Amazon.
The only thing I can do is respond lovingly/or remove myself, because I don't want to be like him, and I want to be treated with dignity, not as an object or a robot. It's a bad time, I hope things get better. His family cares about me and has been a part of my life, I have few resources, narcissistic parents and am scared.