Single Mom And I Need Help
I don't know who else to talk to because everyone I talk to seems to judge me, and their response is always "just stop." Like it is easy.
So I am a single mom of a beautiful little girl. God I love her with everything I am. I have done it all alone since the age of 19, and even though I know that it is not her fault I am angry inside because I've always had to do it alone. The closest family I have is 10 hours away and sometimes I just need a break.
I am in the military so I have a full time job. I am a student and I have my daughter.
So my problem is that I seem to always be upset. The littlest thing that my daughter does gets me mad even if she just spills water. Logically I can think, "She is a child. That is what they do." But at the moment I just get so upset that there is a mess that I snap. I yell and get mean.
I belittle her and say things I do not want to say and do not mean, but I am so mad that my mouth goes off before I can stop and think. I am so blessed with my daughter. She is the best, and isn't a bad kid at all.
My biggest problem is that once in a blue moon I will pop her even though she doesn't say anything. I know that it is harder than it should be. I want to be able to breathe before I hit her, and I need help.
I don't know how to stop it. It is the way I was raised and I hated it, but it feels like I react before I get a second to think. Please help me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You want to stop hurting your child because you're a good person. You want to be a good and loving mother, which is why you have been trying to get help. I will try to help you.
I am so glad that you can see your daughter's goodness, and that you are wise and healthy enough to not blame her. You're taking full responsibility for your anger and your actions, which gives you the power and the freedom to change. I commend you for your integrity, and your desire to be a good mother.
I am going to recommend a step by step process to you. If you follow all of these steps, I think you will be able to heal your anger, and begin treating your daughter with the respect and gentleness that she deserves.
First, we will address your anger, then letting go of your past, and finally some techniques for daily use.
You will find all of the techniques you need to heal and manage your anger on this FAQ page. These are powerful tools, and they will really help you if you use them consistently, until you master them.
Next you will find a process for letting go of your parents on this page. You don't have to repeat those patterns any longer. You get to decide who and how you want to be. You are not a victim of your past.
You can do this. I believe in you. I can tell from what you've written here that you are someone who can do what she sets her mind to. Feel free to write again with an update, or for more support.
Remember your good heart.
My very best to you,
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