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Scared Wife Of Suicidal Law Enforcement Officer

by Anonymous

This is the first time where I get the courage to really ask for help. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, and have been to counseling, but omitting the real facts.

My husband works for the city, which is why I am afraid to get help publically for his abuse. We have 2 daughters and I do not want him out of service. I do not know when it all escalated but it did, and rapidly. Lately, it seems his outbursts are becoming more frequent.
During arguments, he cannot sit and talk with me like a normal couple does. He has to leave the room or the house because he’s so upset. When our arguments get extreme, he threatens to take his own life. We have weapons at home, which is why lately I am beginning to see it as more serious. He does not think it’s serious.

He says I drive him crazy. He insults me, he has punched holes in walls and doors, he has thrown things, and he has pushed me. This isn’t who I met 12 years ago. I know what I have to do, but coming from a divorced household I do not want to quit just yet. I need help and he needs help, but I do not know how to get him there.

Today scared me. It really opened my eyes and I just wish it were all a dream. We were on our way to the store to buy paint for our girls playroom. He loves doing projects for our girls. When we arrived, he reached toward the backseat and gave me sunglasses that he said he found at work and thought of me.

I admit, my issues in the marriage are about trust. I have not trusted him in my heart for about 2 years now. He is just not the same. They say law enforcement does that to people.

So anyhow, I asked him where he found the glasses at work, and he blew up completely. He started walking away towards the parking lot and we got the girls in the car. He began running, and I went after him. He said that if it weren’t for the girls he would have killed himself already.

He always says things like that. I dream about it, and have nightmares. Anyway, he got in the car, broke the glasses to little pieces, and hit the car.

I need help to know what to do. Please anyone, please help me.

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Feb 07, 2016
Some Suggestions For You
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. Your situation is very difficult, that is for certain. Your husband's suicidal threats are a very damaging way for him to try to control you, but that's what he's doing. And of course, there's no guarantee that he won't act on his threats.

You mentioned that you have been to a counselor. You might want to strongly consider that your counselor is bound by a code of ethics to respect your confidentiality regarding anything you say in counseling. That means that it might be totally safe for you to tell the counselor that your husband is threatening to kill himself when he gets upset with you. That's the only way the counselor can help, and it seems to me that is the best option available to you.

You might also want to talk to the counselor alone, before talking about this in front of your husband.

Keep in mind that the counselor is required by law to report imminent threat to life if it is reported in a counseling session. I do not think your situation would require that the counselor report your situation to the authorities, but that would be a chance you would be taking.

If your trust issues are severe, you might need to get counseling to deal with those. It sounds, however, like your husband has serious issues apart from your distrust.

Other than counseling, it seems you have no option but to separate from your husband, which of course would be very sad for you and your family.

I wish I had more help to offer. Trust yourself to come up with the best course of action, then take that action.

My very best to you as you face this challenging situation,

Dr. DeFoore

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