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Road Rage Battle - Hopeless And Fed Up

by Tanner
(Wisconsin)


I'm a rule follower in life and that's no exception while on the road. I'd elect to go the speed limit and follow traffic laws as intended for all motorists and I do...until others don't.

My problems mainly result from poor emotional control and irrational thoughts which lead to poor behavior and the inevitable breaking of traffic laws in retaliation to those initially doing just the same - hypocritical I know.

Numerous driver behaviors trigger my need to retaliate; everything from tailgating, to passing in a no passing zone, to cutting me off, to honking, to simple engine revs which I interpret as "acts of war."

Rationally I've been told and know that drivers often (1) don't know what they're doing will upset another driver or (2) that drivers make mistakes or (3) that I don't know the driver's situation (maybe their wife is having a baby in the back seat on the way to the hospital), but in my head they're targeting me with their behavior.

I'd like to somehow correct the behavior I perceive as incorrect, but as there isn't really an effective way to confront another driver verbally without running them off the road, I find myself acting in a way which I think will scare them into not behaving that way again.

This behavior is often extreme and dangerous and has never led to an effective result, yet I still do it.

Yes, I should leave the law enforcement to the police but they're never there when the bad drivers are tailgating me or cutting me off etc., so I dislike this argument as I don't get to see karma kick their ass and that's what I want.

Ideally I'd go the speed limit and follow traffic laws and other would do the same and follow at a respectable distance and be considerate of other drivers and I'd be content and stress free while on the road. But this is so often not the case that I'm anticipating such a triggering event to occur every time I get in the car to the point where my anxiety has already got me triggered and ready to respond before anything has happened.

I essentially am angry the second I put the car in drive.

Furthermore people close to me in my life are expressing impatience with my "recovery" as, while incidents may be less frequent, they are just as bad, if not worse, than they've always been. I'm fearful of killing someone, killing myself, ending up in jail and/or losing the people in my life. Yet, the only thing that matters to me in the moment is retaliation.

I'm to the point where I'd like to sell my car and find some way of getting transportation everywhere I need to go, but it's not cheap or abundant where I live.

Hopeless best describes my feelings regarding my road rage now, as this behavior has been going on for so long and I've seen therapists and been to anger management yet my mindset is still the same.

Input, please

Thanks

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Sep 07, 2018
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Help Yourself Tanner
by: Anonymous

I feel for you Tanner, because deep down you really don't want to continue the rest of your life in this mode. You are putting unnecessary stress and anxiety on yourself as if you are looking for it just to blame someone else for anger you already have inside.

Find the source by writing what has angered you so deeply from as far back as you can remember on a piece of paper. I had three pages. I can't tell you how much that has helped me to actually "see it" there on paper, confronting each one silently. Heal.

Learn to discipline yourself and your actions and outbursts, as you are a problem on the road also for all of us. Let it go. So the guy is tailgating you, move to another lane and keep your sanity and peace and stop contributing to making the roads even more dangerous.

You have no more of a right than the first guy. It sounds like you’re obsessed with this. Help yourself. Most other people are experiencing the same circumstances on the road as you yet most people’s reactions are not as "dramatic" as yours.

You are making it a lot worse in your mind than what it really is in most if not all cases. You have control over you. Put in the work if you really hate this behavior and demand the mental peace from yourself since you cannot control other people. Best of luck to you.

Sep 06, 2018
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Some Help For Your Internal Battle
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Tanner

I can tell you're a smart guy, and that's why you want to beat this problem. I also get that you've already tried everything you can think of, and nothing seems to be working.

I don't have the answer for you...but you do, and I'll try to help you find it. The emotional regulator you want and need is inside you, and it's out of whack.

I strongly encourage you to do all of the exercises described in this article.

The question is not whether this will work or not, Tanner...the question is whether you will work or not. If you apply yourself consistently and persistently, you will start to see some results.

I'll be straight with you here...this might take months or even years of effort on your part. You've established a very strong mental and emotional network of patterns that will not be deactivated quickly or easily, but if you apply these methods diligently and consistently, I believe you will succeed.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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