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Relationship With A Younger Man Turned Out Abusive

by Deb
(NM)

You Broke The Cycle

You Broke The Cycle



I'm 33 years old and have two children (8 and 11). I was married for 12 years and had a divorce. I didn't let myself heal. I wanted to end the pain, and he filed the paperwork.

Then I met this man who was 25...a lot younger than me. We hit it off great. Nothing too serious at the beginning, until after a couple of months. He moved in with me and my family. He showered with me with attention and I thought I found love.

It was great until I would find him skyping other women, texting other women, pictures of his exes on his phone, and porn accounts. I confronted him on numerous occasions and that led to arguments. He would start name-calling me, pushing me, spitting on me, squeezing my arms which left bruises. He would apologize, and do it again.

He began therapy, but it continued. He suffered from depression and ADHD. He didn’t take his meds consistently. Then the arguments got physical and he choked me twice. I tried to get away but always ended up feeling sorry for him. I wanted him to get better and provided any kind of support I could.

I continued with the emotional turmoil and I felt the love lessening. I was feeling angry, sad, and bitter...until our last argument. He pushed me and called me horrible names. He held me tight and wouldn't let go.

I punched him in the nose and broke it. I've never been physical. Even after that, he wanted to work it out. It was killing me inside to think of the person I've become.

Every time I've confronted him about any issues I had as I mentioned above, he would ignore it and push it under the rug, and move on like nothing ever happened. Our last fight resulted him putting his forearm against my neck.

I told him to leave and eventually he did. He begged me, and said he will make it work and that he loves me. I stood firm and said no. He began insulting me and degrading me because I was letting him go. Then he would say he was sorry.


It was an emotional roller coaster. I'm left with the pieces of my crushed self-esteem. I cared for him and opened my heart to him. It's a good thing my girls didn't see this side of him.

I'm at loss that a person would take advantage of me and not have any true remorse. I can't sleep. But I'm remaining strong for my girls. They need me. God bless us all.

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Feb 07, 2016
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Now It's Time To Heal Yourself
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Deb, and thanks for telling your story here. Congratulations for getting out of that relationship. Now it's important that you get some help for yourself. If you don't, you're very likely to repeat this pattern in future relationship choices.

Learn about abusive relationships and how to heal from them and prevent them. You are a strong person, and you can do this, for your own sake and for the sake of your girls.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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