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I'm a doctor by profession. I work for an NGO (non government organization). I often lose control over my juniors or students who also come there for clinical experience. I shout at them for being late or for not treating the patients properly, who are all kids.
Sometimes my anger reaches to peaks that I want to slap those students altough I never did so. Today it happened that a student came very late and upon questioning her, she replied rudely that she is not answerable to me.
Hearing this I was so totally out of control I scolded that girl and I asked her to leave, and told her we don't need her service. I also wrote a letter of bad conduct to higher authorities about that student although that wasn't necessary.
The girl pleaded with me so badly to forgive her but I couldn't. Finally I found the will from inside to forgive her and discarded the letter. The problem is that I regret what I say. I know I shouldn't say certain things which hurt others but yet in that fit of the moment I just can't control it.
Later I regret all that I have said but by that time all that damage would have been done. Please help me find a solution.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I think it is very good that you want to manage your anger so that you can treat your students well in your workplace. It seems to me that you are a good person, who has trouble controlling your anger. I will try to help.
First, consider that your anger is there for a reason. You need to find out what that reason is, and explore the story behind it. The exercises on this FAQ page will help you with that.
I think that you will find that behind your anger is some old pain, sorrow and possibly fear. And deeper than that, you will find your inner joy, love and goodness, which is the source of your healing.
I think it's good that you were able to forgive the girl and discard the letter. That self-correction came from the good person you are inside. If you use the tools I've recommended, with a serious focus and a positive intent, you will find yourself more connected with that inner goodness, and better able to manage your anger.
Believe in your good heart and the kindness that is who you really are.
My very best to you,
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