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Need Immediate Help Please

by Anonymous

My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and have a 7 month old daughter. He has always been one to lie. He always did the things he wanted to do.

He wasn't too up for me going out or being with my friends so he allowed me to think he was always at home, well he wasn't. He had "girlfriends" while we were together. We have broken up several times.


He told me I deserved it. That those girls made him feel good. That it was my fault that he wanted to leave me and that's why he cheated on me. He lied to me for years about smoking and other things. Each time I confronted him about a lie, and even to this day, the tables turn onto me.

He states that it is my fault, that I don't trust him, that he's done nothing. Multiple times he's swore on my life. He's even taken it as far as my daughters life in his lies. He constantly puts me down if he's upset. He calls me anything from asshole to G*D D**N B**CH. He is cussing at me most of the time. He has no slightly upset mode. He goes straight to super angry.

Recently, things have gotten worse. He threatened to beat me for the first time. He has mentioned choking me, beating me, b*tch slapping me, and other harmful terms.

He has had a very rough life, and lost people really close to him. I feel this causes these problems. He closes me out and will not let me close. I just feel like I can't go on. I feel I am not and never will be good enough. It seems to escalate each time and I am starting to fear for mine and my daughter's well-being.

I want to help him so bad. His anger issues definitely need attention. As well, as the RUDE comments.

I admit--I have an attitude a lot, I do have a strong sense of sarcasm sometimes. I am no different with him than others in my life. So I do not feel I can be the cause of all these things. If I was that bad, he would just not be with me and would have went for someone else.
I need help, bad... please.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You are wise to be asking for help right now. From what you've written here, all indications are that the abuse will continue, and most likely get worse until something changes.

Without realizing it, you are giving him the message that his behavior is acceptable, or it would not be continuing.

One thing I want you to understand very clearly...you cannot help himl. He is the only one that can do that, and it doesn't sound like he's trying to get any help. Your focus needs to be on yourself.

You will find a detailed set of recommendations on our FAQ page, question #2.

Follow all of the recommendations, and I think you will be clear that you need to separate yourself from this man. But that has to be your decision.

Be good to yourself--if you don't take care of yourself, no one else can.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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