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I am a 30 year old Indian man. We have a daughter of 2 years. My wife is not happy with me as I am keen to keep my mother with me.
She does not talk to my mother when she is at home and does not even cook for her. For the past month or so she has even stopped having sex with me. She is a working lady and takes care of other things properly.
My mother usually stays with my brother's family. But now I want her to stay with me. Probably my wife's behavior towards her is driving me more to do this.
My family life is miserable now. I don't want all this to affect my child. What should I do? Please guide.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Pravin, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell that you're having a hard time, and I will try to help.
I don't know what is right or wrong for you, you have to decide that. What I will tell you is based on my knowledge of marriage and family dynamics, and what works and what does not work.
You have known your mother (obviously), much longer than you've known your wife. That relationship is more imbedded in your emotions, and it may be that your loyalty is stronger to your mother than to your wife. As long as this continues, you will have trouble in your marriage, and it will definitely be harmful to your child as well--because she needs her parents to be together and loving each other.
I suggest you read this page about letting go of your parents. This is absolutely essential if you want to be happy with your wife and daughter.
You may need to move your mother back in with your brother's family, for the sake of your marriage. It is your responsibility to show your wife that she is number one in your life, and that she comes before your mother in your priorities.
I know this may not be what you wanted to hear, but it's the only thing that I think will work.
I also suggest that you read this book with your wife, and do all of the exercises at the back of the book.
Do this for yourself, Pravin. You are worthy of a good marriage, and your wife and daughter depend on you to make your new family number one.
My very best to you,
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