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My Twin Brother Has Major Anger Problems

by Andrew
(United Kingdom)

I'm a 14 year old ordinary, typical teenager and I have a twin brother who has had anger management issues for years now.

He has been kicked out of high school until he turns 15 years of age, because of a rampage he had. He has also got in trouble many times in the past few years from the point of nearly strangling a student to death at one point. He has progressed to becoming an aggressive young man.

He gets easily angry over anything, and then gets aggressive to anybody that’s around. I do tell him to calm down, but he has attempted to pin me down a few times. This happened a few weeks ago.

He is currently in a school which is meant to help him, but it is not doing anything for him, at all.

I also get the blame for his actions a lot, which is expected for a pair of twins. Most people know me as a nice individual, but at times I do have breakdowns when I am alone. Luckily I know how to deal with it.

His anger is affecting me, our friends and also our family. Are you able to help with this situation with a few tips?

Thanks again for your help.

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Feb 23, 2015
You Can Definitely Help Your Brother
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Andrew

My suggestions might seem surprising to you, but I promise you it's the best approach in your situation.

This is what I suggest:

1) As much as possible, don't try to help him, tell him to calm down, etc. That will only make things worse. This is not just true for your brother, it's true for every angry person.

2) Every time you think of him, see him calm, focused and in control in your mind's eye. This is how you manage your internal relationship with him, which will have a positive impact on you, and most likely on him as well.

3) Make up your mind to hold him in the highest possible regard, no matter how he behaves, and trust him to work through his problems.

4) And the last thing (and perhaps most important), is to shift your focus off of your brother's problems and pay attention to your own goals, challenges and joys. Set an example for him, by living the best possible life with the best possible relationships that you can.

I hope this is helpful to you, Andrew. Your brother will only learn to manage his anger when he becomes internally motivated to do so, and that is not under yours or anyone's control.

The things I have recommended should help, however, if you apply them consistently.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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