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My Husband's Anger Is Ruining Us

by Anonymous

My husband is a great man, loving, caring, etc. He started becoming angry and having depression about five years ago and today it is totally out of control. He gets angry if people don't listen to him. He's always negative about everything, We don't communicate at all anymore. We sit in silence at dinner.

He seems to hate his life and when I ask if it's me he says no. I am very open and honest with him and am not the type to argue. He gets mad if I don't see his point of view and think he is right. It's just too much for me to handle anymore. I get anxiety from this. Please give me some advice, I'd like to stay married and become the couple we once were.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

It sounds like you love your husband very much. That is excellent. There are some things that you can do that will definitely help your marriage.

Here are a few ideas:

1) Begin journaling daily about the things you like about him. Try to keep your focus on those things.

2) When the timing is right, tell him what you appreciate about him. If he works, tell him how much you appreciate him going to work and earning income for the family. Do this on a regular, ongoing basis.

3) Work to be happy yourself. Do good things for yourself--things that feel good to you. Make up your mind that your top priority is to feel good physically and emotionally. This will make you more loving and positive about yourself and toward your husband.

4) To improve your communication, practice these communication skills, which include "reflective listening."

5) You don't have to agree with your husband and tell him he's right--but it is also very important that you not get in the habit of disagreeing with him and suggesting that he is wrong. He just needs to be heard and understood, as we all do. Reflective listening means just telling him what you heard him say, without any arguments or opinions from your side. As you read over the communications skills, you will also learn about empathy--which is putting yourself in the other person's shoes to see their viewpoint. That really helps a lot to avoid arguments.

6) Set your mind on what you want, and write in your journal about it every day. If you're feeling angry, write from your anger first, then write about the good things you want, and make up your mind that you will get there--and you will!

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore
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Oct 11, 2016
My Husband's Anger Is Out Of Control
by: Kelly

My husband has serious anger problems. We've been married for almost 3 years now and it seems to get worse. Just last night he busted our brand new TV that wasn't cheap and we had to put on a credit card to be able to get it..and no it's still not paid off.

We barely can afford to buy nice things and what we do have, he destroys. He has not hit me yet but he cusses me and tells me I'm going to hell right after he yells "GD" and flips off towards the sky as if he's flipping off God yet claims to be a Christian.

I'm just so tired of it! I would rather be alone with my children than to live like this. I feel like he drags me down!

My children are even afraid of him when he starts acting crazy and there have been times I have to take my not yet 2 year old son away from him so he doesn't hurt him.

I can't do this anymore! There is so much more he does...

Jun 11, 2009
Hi Anonymous
by: Abby

If this is very unlike your husband, it may be that there is a physical problem. What you have described can be linked to a number of different neurological problems. Your husband's inability to understand or cooperate in getting himself some help may be part of that. That may NOT be the issue but if you can encourage him to see a GP wouldn't be a bad idea.

Having someone in the world who loves and supports us can mean EVERYTHING in getting us through a hard time and, even though he doesn't show it, I'm sure your love and support mean everything to your husband.

You must look after yourself too and, while you are loving your husband through this difficult period in his life, it might be worth seeing what support groups are available where can be uplifted.

I have found the support that comes from the community on this site wonderful and healing. I hope you do too.

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