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My Husband Has Narcissistic Rages And Apologizes Over And Over Again

by Cassondra
(Pittsburgh, PA)

Dear Dr. DeFoore,

My husband has been diagnosed with narcissistic tendencies, no one knows how extreme it gets as he goes in and out of counseling. He plays our marriage counselor against me when confronted with his behavior.

He goes into rages then calmly apologizes and it goes on over and over again. Like he has two different personalities. He is not learning from any type of counseling just yet as I feel that he is not getting the right help. It is as if he has no conscience! He says he feels bad then does the exact behavior and apologizes again.

He says he has trouble with empathy and compassion and is trying to get it with marital counseling. We are in Imago therapy and he fools me and the therapist over and over. I am so frustrated! I believe him over and over and now I feel like a fool trusting in his apologies. His apologies do not mean anything to me anymore.

Seriously, it is as if he has no conscience. I am also tired of him pitting others against me - that is betrayal, and he will continue to do it to avoid looking at his issues. I figured his game out. He agrees he needs help.

What kind of help do you offer for narcissism and lack of conscience? For some reason he does not feel he is part of any problem. We have encountered this statement in all his therapy sessions for years.

Please give me some feedback on narcissism and living with someone who has it. I would just like to understand more of what he is going through so I am more understanding of this issue.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Cassondra, and thanks for telling your story here. I have created two pages on narcissism, and I think you'll find what you're looking for there. Keep in mind, however, that this is you asking for help for your husband. The only way he's going to get help is if he asks for it for himself. So, I recommend that you look for help here for yourself, and focus on how you can be happier and healthier.

First, take a look at this page on narcissist. You will find suggestions for you (and your husband if he's interested).

This should give you what you're looking for.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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