My Everyday Life
(San Antonio, TX, USA)
I do not know why I get so angry, my days are hard but getting angry is so easy. I live with a family of 7 (dad-37, mom-36, me-17 male, sister-15, sister-4, brother-3 and finally another brother-6 months.) Every day is the same.
My mom and dad go out to eat, clubs, mall or visit family. So since I'm the oldest I have to take care of the siblings. I get angry cause the second oldest sister barely helps me with the kids, she is always watching TV or eating or making excuses to not watch them and when she does she pays no attention to them whatsoever. They could start a fire and she wouldn't notice till the house is halfway burnt down.
One time she woke me up from sleeping (I had just gotten home from work) to get the kids. I told her to watch them for a bit because I was tired. So 20 or so minutes passed and the thought of the kids woke me up because the house was too quiet. So I go check in her room and she was asleep in her bed. So I look for the kids and they were outside playing in the road. I thanked god nothing happened to them.
But when it comes to favors she asks me to take her to her friends' or movies, and if I don't she will get our dad on me. He won't hit me but just tells me to do it as a favor for him. I pretty much hate my sister. To me she is the devil. She ruined my childhood.
I was a really good kid, I rarely behaved bad. But she would always hit me on the bus when we were in elementary school and make fun of me till I started crying so other kids would make fun of me.
But when other people would visit our house she would behave good and tell them lies about how she is always helping my mom and cleaning, making me look like the bad one.
Then I also suffer from depression. My parents spoil us. We are kind of wealthy. We have at least 6 big screen TVs in our home.
It's funny because everything I have, I worked for. All my friends say they wish they could be in my shoes and live my life but they do not know the pain and long nights I go through without sleep. My days are the same. This is my last year of school though, but my summer days when I should be resting and having fun I have to work then back to babysitting.
I have many friends but I really feel like they aren't really my friends. I feel like they use me to get rides or to play video games at my house so I try to stay alone as much as I can but on weekends when I can go out no one bothers to call me or to hang out.
I like staying home and resting but sometimes I want to go out and have a good time. I have a car but I mostly use it for school. The only people that I feel are my friends are my cousins but they are always using drugs like alcohol, marijuana or cocaine.
I've tried marijuana and alcohol and had fun but I don't do it every weekend like them and my parents don't want me to hang out with them so I rarely do now.
I am also looking for someone to make me happy, like a girlfriend to help me get my mind off so much stress. But every girl I meet I immediately dislike them or I like being alone and I lose my chance with her and later regret it. I had a good friend that was perfect to me, she made me happy and made me forget about my stress. She liked me also, but after a year I never figured out till later. I really liked her but one day she got tired of waiting and found someone else so I stopped talking to her and since then no girl has gotten my attention like she did.
So my heart is broken, I'm lonely and always angry and depressed. I don't want to tell my parents because they also wish they had my childhood. I know I probably need help, but ain't much I can do but cry and wait till I reach my last breath. I don't want to die but I don't want to put up with so much stress, after all I'm still young.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Mario, and thanks for telling your story here. You sound like a very serious and hard working young man. Perhaps too serious and hard working.
There's no way I can know for sure, but it seems to me that you've missed out on some of the fun and joy that is supposed to be part of a young person's life. And that is in no way your sister's fault.
If you are overburdened with responsibilities at home, then the only people responsible for that are your parents. I think you may be transferring your anger from your parents to your sister. At 15, she's just doing her thing. She's a kid, and while you may not like her much, she's not bad. Your parents sound like good people. I suggest you tell them you need to be having more fun, and ask them to hire a babysitter, since it sounds like they could afford it. If they can't, they can sell a TV and pay for it that way.
Meanwhile, I suggest you do some journaling, to contain your anger and start shifting your focus in a positive direction. This anger journaling and the positive journaling exercise that follows it will help you with that. Use the positive journaling to start looking at what is good about your sister. You need to get your thinking clear where she's concerned.
At 17, you're hopefully planning to graduate, go to college, or get a job soon and be on your own. That will help. Either way, figure out a way to have more fun in your life. Anybody who works as much as you do is going to be depressed and angry.
No girlfriend is going to fix this for you. Use these suggestions to get yourself feeling better, then a great girl will be attracted to you.
Focus on your own happiness, health and positive future, Mario.
My very best to you,