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My Angry Husband Blames Me For Everything

by Nicole
(Kentucky)



My husband works long hours and I'm a stay at home mom of 3. My children and I are so happy when he's not home, but as soon as he walks in the door the mood immediately shifts. He's always angry.

He’s angry about work, the house isn't clean enough, we don't have enough money...it's always something. And it's always my fault, so he says. The kids’ rooms are dirty, that's my fault. Their chores aren't done, that's my fault. We're running late for something, that's my fault. We don't have enough money, that's my fault. We have agreed, however, that me working wouldn't help because of the cost of childcare.

And he's not just angry, he takes that anger out on me & tries to pit the kids against me. He puts them in the middle, asking them don't you think what mommy did is stupid? It's mommy's job to make you do your chores or do them herself. And he's even said in the past that my job is to listen to him when he rants & shut up and take it.

I don't have a real job so I just have to deal with whatever rant he throws at me. And he's even convinced me at times that he's right and that is my job. I hang my head like a hurt puppy when he's around because I'm scared to stand up for myself.

Anything I say to defend myself he belittles and makes me sound stupid. He talks to me like I'm a small child. I hate it, and I hate that the kids see it. I don't know what to do.

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Aug 16, 2017
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It's My Fault
by: Jamie

Hi, I'm here because it's my fault. I do these hateful things. That both these women are stating. First off I want to apologize. These acts are not okay.

I didn't even realize what I was doing to my wife. The woman I swore to love and protect. I am very ashamed of myself. I feel like a failure. Deep down I truly do love my wife. Yet this is not the definition of love. To come home from work and belittle her because I had a bad day. I honestly don't know why.

What purpose does it serve? When what I really want is my wife to be happy. Obviously this does not make her happy. Our relationship is pretty much over. I was too caught up to see what was going on. For that I'm deeply sorry. Something had to have happened.

I wish I could take it all back. I cannot. I would like to make it better. I don't feel I deserve the chance.

I've been with her for 20 years. She was my first and only love. Since I was 16 I've been with her, through thick and thin. I've always managed to support her and our four kids. With money. I never figured out how to be a good husband.

At one point I had a significant drinking problem. She should have left then. I managed to at least fix that.

I still do want her to be happy. I guess that means I have to let her go. As much as I love her. I don't want to hurt her anymore.

I don't know how to fix my issue. It will hurt me deeply to let go. I feel I deserve it for hurting her.

Mar 10, 2017
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I Know How You Feel
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for the way your husband's treats you. I came here to see if I could read something of some encouragement.

My husband also belittles me. I've only not worked for a month now. It’s the first time I've been able to be a stay at home mom. I get blamed for everything.

I get told I’m an idiot, I'm stupid and I can't do anything right. I keep the house clean and wash his clothes, but nothings good enough. I'm told he pays the bills now and he just lets me use his stuff, and even tells me to get out of HIs house.

Out of all this time this will make 2 month’s rent he's paid since we've lived together. I paid for all rest. He makes me feel like I'm the dirt on his shoes, so I completely understand how you feel. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Aug 08, 2016
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Your Strength Comes From Inside You
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Nicole

This kind of abuse is totally unacceptable. I'm sorry you're having to go through this in your marriage. I will try to help.

First of all, I'm really glad that you and your kids can get so happy when your husband is not around. At least you have that bright spot in your life.

The abuse you're receiving is emotional and psychological abuse, which can be even more devastating at times than physical abuse. There is no one who can save you from this, but you can find the strength within yourself to take the necessary action to provide a safe and loving home for you and your children.

I suggest that you reach out to this national hotline for domestic abuse, and get some guidance from them. Also, they will be able to provide you with some support, so that you don't feel so alone.

Believe in yourself and your good heart, Nicole. I hope you are able to find a solution for this, so that you can be treated with love and respect.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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