Married To A Paranoid Narcissist
Married for 47 years with 3 children, 6 grandchildren, I find I cannot bear my husband's behaviour any longer. He does not want me to leave him, or buy me a house, and I feel daunted by the prospect of divorce.
I feel, perhaps wrongly, that he is partly responsible for the breast cancer I have been diagnosed with.
Is it possible for me to remain in my home of 44 years and arrive at a point where I view my husband and his behaviour in such a light as I can be unaffected?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sally, and thanks for asking your question here. With the small amount of information you have provided, I will offer some suggestions.
Keep in mind that I would need a lot more information about your situation in order to offer more suggestions.
I suggest you start by taking full responsibility for your health and your body's healing. Feeling like a victim to another person, regardless of how justified it may seem, will only interfere with your healing. He is 100% responsible for his behavior, and you are 100% responsible for your reactions to his behavior. I know this is challenging, but it is the only way to emotional freedom.
Research has shown that women who express their anger openly and in healthy ways have a better recovery rate from breast cancer. With that in mind, I suggest you do the journaling described on this page, to understand and express your anger in a safe, healthy manner. I do not suggest that you express it to your husband, as it sounds like that may be counterproductive.
If you have personal emotional trauma, you'll also find guidelines to help you explore that.
Finally, regarding your husband, use the positive journaling exercise to begin focusing on his best qualities. You've been with him for 47 years, and there must be some positive reasons for that.
It will also be helpful for you to practice building your self esteem as you go through your healing process.
If you follow these recommendations, Sally, you will definitely receive benefit. If you do nothing else, be sure and do the journaling during your healing and recovery process.
Believe in yourself, Sally. Your body is a naturally self-healing organism. Trust it to heal itself, while you focus on all of the goodness and beauty in yourself and the world around you.
My very best to you,
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