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Love Stinks

by Angel

To start, I have lost trust in my boyfriend. We were having an argument about him communicating with his ex--the woman he left for me (eventually after one year of us dating while he lived with her).

He kept telling me to be patient and wait. During that time I became pregnant. After having our son in June, he left the girl in August. He moved in. He had left her before in May and stayed with me for 4 weeks before going back to her.

During those 4 weeks he stayed in close contact with her. Still visited and went out and had sex all the while lying to me. So fast forward, we are together. I asked for communication to stop between them. He said it would, but there were still calls and texts. She called every morning at 7am and left voice mails of 5 minutes each.

One day we're arguing, and as we are she texts him. I blew my top. I yelled and screamed at him, I threw his cell in the toilet. After he got it out he threw it at me and I grabbed a pair of hair scissors and went after him. I even stuck him one good time--nothing requiring a hospital visit though.

After he restrained me he said he was leaving. But I did not want him to and at the same time I am screaming get out. He tried to pack a few things, and I cut up his clothes. He tried to go out the door and I blocked the door. I started throwing his collection of bobbleheads and signed baseballs at him. He had about 50 bobbleheads and balls. My apt security came up because he heard the noise and asked him to leave. Even after he left I still destroyed his things. All of them.

I called his voice mail and changed the outgoing message to some very vulgar and obscene things. After about 30 minutes I went from extreme anger to very sad, crying so bad I could not see straight. I got a headache and was short of breath. After I completely calmed down, I had regretted everything. I destroyed precious things of his that I could not get back. And I wanted him back.

After a week he came back. we were good for a while but started arguing again. This last time he told me a lie and stayed out all night. I checked out his story and realized he was lying again. I got out of bed and took all his clothes out of the closet and threw them into the spare room--everything he had, in a pile. I contemplated throwing them in the dumpster. I used up all his voice mail space and blasted his Facebook page. Later after a confrontation, he says that he is leaving and that I need anger management, so here I am.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Angel, and thanks for asking for help on this site. I can't tell if you really think you need help or not. It sounds like you're here because your boyfriend thinks you need anger management. I have never been able to help anyone unless they thought they needed help.

I'm sure you have good reasons for your anger, but your behavior is obviously out of control. And it's going to get you in trouble, over and over again, until you do something about it.

So, my question to you is, do you think you need help with anger management, or is it just your boyfriend's idea?

If you're just doing this to appease your boyfriend, no need to read further. If you realize you have a problem and really want to help yourself, here is what I recommend:

For lasting change and healing, however, you will need to do the journaling exercises on this page, and practice these imagery processes for emotional healing. This requires a lot of dedication, but if you do it, you will get some benefit, and possibly deep and lasting change.

If you're still reading, Angel, I recommend you make up your mind to be the good person you know you really are deep inside. This anger does not reflect your true nature, and you know that, even though you might not be willing to admit it.

You can do what you set your mind to.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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