Now Available! Dr. DeFoore's New Book GOODFINDING
Dear Sir, thank you for listening. No doubt you will have already come across a story just like mine, but I don't know of anyone I can talk to. I do feel extremely lonely trying to figure it all out.
My husband is no longer my husband. We have been apart now for 4 years, since I discovered he was having affairs. Throughout our marriage I put up with a lot of verbal/mental and physical abuse. Yet I didn't ever want to leave. I felt he needed me as he was brought up himself in an abusive family environment.
I thought I could change him just by giving him all the love I could find within me. However, he recently divorced me to marry another. I should be feeling so relieved, yet I now find myself feeling so angry.
The wasted years of trying to make it work have come to nothing. And I am now in life without my best friend (yes he was always a good friend to me when the demon anger wasn't visiting). Truth be told until he married again I was waiting, ready to take him back. It sounds crazy eh?
However now, I am angry with everybody and everything. I exist through each day of my life, not able to see any hope of change in my tomorrows. It may help you to know that im 62 years of age, living in a foreign country, no family, few friends and my husband lives a stones throw away with his new wife. She's a 25 year old Chinese national, and he is 65 years old.
We are both British. I get angry asking myself how can he possibly communicate his feelings with her. Why has he left me to make a lovely home with her while I sit in a one bed apartment? How can he be building a lovely future life together with her, when that was our plan for our retirement years? The why question haunts me over so much of it.
I cry for my past life even with all its flaws. I have no patience (normally I can take on the world and its worries). I'm scared of my tomorrow and sometimes I wish I won't have tomorrow. Sorry, I know I should feel ashamed of myself telling you that, but that's the bare bone of it.
I want to free myself from having his shadow still with me. He has clearly got on with his life. Why can't I get on with mine? It's my own fault I can't shake off this "woe is me" feeling. Separation and rejection is a bad thing for any human to go through, but when your 6o years plus it feels like a living hell.
We should all be able to look back at our past years and think they were worth something, that they were worth having. But truth be told I wonder what was the point of my past life. To end up being tossed like a piece of garbage, not needed any longer is a living hell.
My question is, how can I set my mind free from the past and walk into my tomorrow while feeling a constant reminder of what I had and lost?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Eve, and thanks for telling your story here. Your pain is certainly understandable. Anyone in your position would feel some version of what you feel. As you stated, there are many other people in similar situations, and so I have several pages devoted to helping good people just like you to let go and move on to a good life.
Read the following page, and follow all of the recommendations: battered wife syndrome.
Believe in yourself and your own goodness, Eve. Begin step by step taking care of yourself first, and you will slowly and steadily start feeling better.
You are worthy of a good life.
My very best to you,
P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission.
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anger Management Counseling.