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Left Abusive Relationship But Thinking Of Going Back - Am I Crazy?

by Krystal

My husband and I have been married 5 months, together 6 years. The entire relationship has started on physical abuse and has since touched every category of abuse.

There are 4 children involved and they're constantly used as pawns to make me leaving being a selfish thing. I've been educating myself on abusive relationships and know all the signs and statistics, but of course I feel as though my relationship is the exception.

I can honestly say there has been improvement in the physical abuse but I believe it's solely because of all the past physical abuse. He needs only to hint at the other forms of abuse to intimidate me.

I left and am with my parents, which he says is worse than staying in the relationship. He's being super nice, willing to do "what it takes," but I've been here before with him. He says just come back home, it'll be better you know I'm better.

The truth is when he's happy and good, things are so great. I love our family and I question whether that means it's something I should fight for. I told him one of my stipulations is for him to take BIPP but I feel myself being drawn towards his loving behavior as I always am.

I am just confused whether to give up or not.

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Sep 30, 2019
I Have Been In The Same State Of Confusion
by: Anonymous

You are still addicted to the ups and downs. But please get your children out of harm’s way and keep them safe. That emotional abuse for them is worse than physical and for you too.

Give yourself time for the drug of this relationship to wear off. It may take a year.

Stay strong and get support from other women or group support. I had a hard time seeing how bad it was, until I saw what was done to other women.

I got angry and finally felt the pain that you are now avoiding, and it helped me.

Aug 30, 2019
Stay Far Away From Him
by: Jo Ann

Krystal you should absolutely never ever let anyone abuse you emotionally and definitely not physical. The day a man puts his hands on me is the day he will be arrested and I would be long gone! That is NOT love. You are being manipulated by his words as his actions have always proved otherwise. Just once is too many times! You need to work on you and why you allow this horrific behavior to be acceptable and witnessed by your children. Is this what you want them to emulate when they grow up? There is nothing in this world that says you have to endure such an agonizing relationship. Take control of your life want and do better for yourself for your sake and your children. Move up and on fast and furiously. And most of all heal. Peace and Love to you. You can do it. Love yourself enough to never ever tolerate this again. Best Wishes.

Aug 29, 2019
You Already Know The Answer
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Krystal. Thanks for reaching out here, where others might benefit from your story.

You ask in your submission title, "Am I Crazy?" You already know that his apologies and "good behavior" are simply another part of the abuse cycle.

These situations just don't get better, until you start taking care of yourself and your children as your top priority.

You simply cannot "take a chance" on this relationship any longer. You were right to move out. Now find a way to move on, get some help for yourself so that you make better choices in relationships, and create a healthy, safe life for yourself and your children.

At some point, you have to love yourself enough to only be with people who treat you with respect at all times...not just after an abusive episode.

Be smart, Krystal. You know the best thing to do.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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