Is This Justified Aggression?
Hey, my name's DK. I'm a 16 year old male, and I just wanted to not only vent to someone where I can stay relatively anonymous, but also seek any advice you have for me.
There are certain types of people in this world that just down right piss me off. Within seconds, something they do manages to get under my skin and just set me off. Sometimes it's because I cannot believe how stupid some people are on some of the most basic levels.
They start mouthing off to me and I respond with a good one line zinger that shuts them up. Normally I am a smart ass all in fun, my friends and I mess around and banter back and forth. But when I'm mad I can be very very spiteful and destructive.
Sometimes I regret what I said later but most of the time I really couldn't care less. Now at school don't get me wrong I'm not bullied at all. I'm liked by mostly everyone and the people I don't like and they don't like me have reasons for those feelings.
The people who do try to bully me are quickly deterred usually without force and without me intervening because my friends have my back and I don't know about someone's animosity towards me until it's over. I don't know why I explode sometimes, it just builds.
I'm good at hiding feelings. I'm very good at deception, which is something I am not terribly proud of. Anyway my point is I'm not a very depressed guy, I don't have girl problems most of the time besides typical high school drama.
Now to the actual problem if that's what I should call it. I have a very keen sense of justice, and what is fair. When that is disturbed or violated, when I see something that happened isn't right or fair involving me or my friends I explode. I explode either by shouting and arguing, being a smart ass in the most spiteful way possible, or I conceal my feelings and construct a plan to avenge myself or my friend who was a victim of the injustice.
That's another thing I'm good at, planning. When I want to get away with something and leave no trace of me ever being there, I can do it! Most of the time the plan (constructed in rage) never gets carried out because I come to my senses and decide I don't want to get arrested or in trouble or whatever.
The other thing that sets me off (even more than injustice) is a threat to my closest friends or family. someone or something threatens my closest friends or family I will wage a war on whatever or whoever it is until I am satisfied and convinced that the person closest to me is safe.
Going along with the threats, if a friend or I am betrayed, I am very spiteful and always have carried out some sort of revenge sentence on who ever it was that betrayed me or my friend. The "sentence" I carry out is always about double what they did to me or my friend. And again sometimes I regret what I did, because when that happens I am constantly fueled by an inferno of rage that burns endlessly and only gets hotter until I am satisfied and my own personal opinion of justice has been delivered to whomever betrayed me or my friend.
Sometimes this gets violent if the person was a guy. I never have nor will I ever hit a girl or told anyone to do so no matter how enraged I am. If the person is a girl usually it involves humiliation or something like that.
After I'm finished with whatever it is I am satisfied, but every once in a while I look back at what I became when fueled by that rage and I'm disgusted. I just become consumed by dark thoughts, my aggression spikes and I'm much more hostile to everyone around me, my fuse burns faster than gasoline and is lit just as easily.
I don't know what to do, these events of aggression rarely happen but when they do I get really bad. Otherwise I am one of the happiest people some of my friends know.
My music tastes change from dubstep and up beat rap talking about parties to death metal and dark stuff like that. Once I come back out of that phase I go back to normal. I would just like to get rid of that dark phase but still be able see justice for myself and my friends when someone wrongs them, without violence or completely ruining them socially.
I admit I have a problem, and the first step to solving a problem is recognizing the fact that there is one, the second step is be willing to do what it takes to solve it.
I hope I described everything clearly in this long paragraph. I look forward to hearing from you.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello DK, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're a very bright young man, and you've done a lot of good thinking about your situation. I support every thought process you've expressed here.
You clearly have strong intentions to change, and I can help you with that. But even more important than changing, you will become more like the good person you really are if you follow my recommendations.
Do all of the exercises on this page, and I think that will give you the self awareness and insight you need to make the changes you want to make.
You're a good guy, DK. Make up your mind to heal your anger and respond to others in a way you can feel good about.
My very best to you,
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