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I'm Not Sure If The Emotional Abuse Is Intentional
Thank you for taking your time to help me. My name is Elizabeth. I've been in a 2 year relationship that involves two emotionally scarred people already.
I worked many years to heal and was so happy when someone seemed genuinely interested in being with me. We have a lot in common in our spiritual beliefs and other likes/dislikes so it's not completely absurd that we're together. Now we co-manage a property and here's some problems we are having as I see it.
We have arguments on what food I buy, with him telling me I don't contribute enough. When I do hear a thanks, it's usually bitter and includes a statement of what I haven't done, like I don’t help him pay his car bill or buy gas. The thing is, I have, but I'm also careful and ask a lot of questions like why he couldn't cover these expenses, or help out with groceries or pay me back some of the money he's borrowed. I don’t know what he does with his paycheck.
Now he's started hitting and throwing things and saying really hurtful things to me. He said he loved me and wants to try harder. I know I'm a part of the problem, but I know I'm not the only one. And naturally I only see my side clearly.
It seems like when I talk to him about any of the problems, he wants to see things as a one way street. He'll say "I can't do one thing right" or "I'm a complete f-ing jerk." He walks off in a tantrum a lot, or he tries to tactfully blame the entire problem on me. He says I’m not being reasonable, having problems with everything, blaming him for everything.
We have a lot fewer fights when I don't express myself, when I don't have fun, when I don't go out of the house. It seems to me that to avoid his tantrums, the best thing for me is to be inside all the time, not express my opinions except the ones he wants to hear.
I had hoped for a relationship that inspired and enlightened and enchanted, but maybe these are just some things I need to work on. I don't know what to expect in a relationship, and so many people just walk out on them as I have done with so many. I don't want to keep up that pattern.