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I Realize That I am Verbally Abusive Towards My Husband

by Lauren
(USA)



This last week has been rough - at first I thought for me only, but tonight after two days of fighting I realize it's likely been harder on my husband.

I've been angry and resentful for no real reason, and have felt not like myself. As a reaction I've turned on my husband. Literally anything he says sets me off.

Today we had a fight and I referred to him as not being manly enough for me, and that he was being a pussy. As the words came flying out of my mouth, I was horrified, but I couldn't stop myself. I continued on calling him names, telling him I'm not sure if I should be with him.

Then I broke down crying. But what made this time different (because, yes this has happened before), is that he came and apologized to me. He said if he hadn't set me off this wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be so upset.

I couldn't believe what he was saying, here is this man, this wonderful, wonderful man coming to me, the person who just verbally abused him, and he's apologizing to me.

It was at this moment that I realized that I need help, and that I am an abuser. It sickens me to my core. I didn't think I was a bad person, but here I am treating the man I love like utter garbage. I don't deserve him...I feel like this toxic, horrible person.

I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to show my husband I love him, I don't want him to think that this is his fault because it's not. It's 100% me. I've said horrible things to him, none of which I can take back. I need help.


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Jan 31, 2017
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You're Taking Responsibility So Now You Can Change
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Lauren, and thanks for telling your story here. Good for you for taking full responsibility for your actions. That's the first step to change, and I'll offer you some suggestions about where to go next.

You will find the next steps outlined for you on this page, specifically designed to help good people like you to understand and heal their anger.

Do all of those exercises daily for a few months, and I think you'll start to experience some healing and transformation.

Hopefully, this process will help you to reconnect with the good, loving person you are inside. If this does not work for you for some reason, I highly recommend that you seek counseling. One way or the other, do not give up on yourself.

The reason you were so horrified by your behavior Lauren, and the reason you told your story here...is that you are a good person, and your behavior toward your husband does not reflect who you really are.

Believe in yourself and the healing capacity that is in your nature.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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