I Love One Man And Hate The Other
I have been married for ten years. I had two children, and he had one from previous relationships, and we have one child together.
There were a few small arguments in the beginning, but it has turned from those small arguments to huge ones. So huge we have both been to jail for assault and have even dealt with DSS for our children.
None of our children have ever been abused but they see us and hear us. The huge fights were not in front of them but they know Mommy and Daddy have both been to jail due to our arguments. Only one time in jail each, and it was enough for me to change. I don't argue back anymore and I don't try to defend myself any longer.
I have been talked down to, cussed, hit, thrown...you name it I've been there. My husband gets upset if I run out of tea all the way to not wanting to have sex. I have been slung out of bed because I went to bed early and woke up at 3 am just because he wants to have sex. This is the man I hate and he comes out more than I would like.
I am also married to a man that is the best daddy...he plays with the kids like he is a big kid himself. I can talk to him about anything. He prays with me, he holds me, he provides for me, and he loves me like no other. And I love this man more than anything...we have a wonderful life together.
My problem is it's the same man! Two different sides…and I have begun to walk on eggshells afraid of when and what will make the evil one appear. Just this past Sunday we went to decorate ornaments with a group of friends and had a wonderful time.
On the way home he snapped and pulled off the road to not only cuss me but to sling me around the parking lot and then proceeded to throw me back into his truck and I hit my head really hard. A bystander called 911 and the next thing I knew, a cop was pulling him off of me.
He went to jail and was released yesterday. I have a hundred people telling me to leave and a hundred reasons I should. But my heart says to forgive and I can't stop loving this good man I married. I know I can't fix him but he needs help and I don't know how. I have tried and asked him to see a doctor but he thinks he doesn't have an issue.
Right now I can't even see him due to bond conditions nor talk to him and yes, he hurt me, but I miss him terribly. I am torn because I hate one side of him but love the other one.