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I Just Want To Make It Right With My Girlfriend

by Ross
(United Kingdom)

Basically I and my girlfriend have been going out for over 8 months now. It seems just yesterday I was getting to know her and as if I was just falling in love with her. I don't want to risk the chance of not having her in my life.

Her friends think she can do better, yet she says to me that I make her happy--but sometimes it seems to me like she is just saying that. But I don't know. Her best friend sent me a long message on Facebook saying lots of stuff that was vile. But one thing stuck in my head and that was that her best friend said that she was so happy before she met me and she would stand up for herself.

She said that I drag her round like a dog and guilt trip her. If I do this I generally don't even realize I am doing it. I've asked Sasha about this but all she seems to say about it is that I make her happy and that is all that matters really.

Well I don't think it is. I want to make our relationship perfect, yet I feel as if I can't do anything right. This generally makes me angry at times. I've got a bit of a short temper, and I hate getting even a little angry around my girlfriend because there is no way in hell I want it to jeopardize our relationship.

I was given an anger management leaflet the other day and Sasha (my girlfriend) advised I fill it out. I really want to, but I feel kinda embarrassed about it for some reason I don't know.

I love my girlfriend and I wouldn't be writing this for help if I didn't.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Ross, and thanks for telling your story here. I think you may be subconsciously doing some things in your relationship that are keeping things tense and uncomfortable for both of you. It is clear that you value the relationship, and I will try to help you take better care of it.

I suggest you start by doing all of the exercises described on this FAQ page. These are powerful tools, and if you use them as recommended, you will benefit and heal emotionally. This will help you bring some of the subconscious processes into consciousness where you can better manage them.

You will also find the book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix to be very helpful.

Focus on becoming the good man you want to be, Ross. You can do this, and have the relationship you want. Believe in yourself and your good heart.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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