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I Have Extreme Anger Because My Husband Hides Information From Me

by Anonymous

Hi. Before I got married controlling my anger was very easy. I grew up in a very happy environment.

I am married for 7 years now. I have 2 adorable boys. My husband is a physician, an amazing and caring husband and a great father.

The only problem we have in our life is he always hides the problems from me to prevent stress in our life and keep me happy. But he doesn't understand every time I find out something which he has hidden, I get upset.

At first when we started our life it was easier to let it go and not to get angry. But after 7 years, I realized my anger is out of control.

When I find out that after many years of talking to him, requesting of him again not to hide things from me, he hides stuff and I lose my control. I cry, throw stuff around the house and scream.

Until today I never harmed him or our children. He apologizes every time and promises me that he won't do it again.

He accepts that I was never an angry person before, in fact I was a happy and optimistic girl. At this point I feel 7 years is a long time to try to change him.

So here I am, and I want to control my anger and help myself to become strong, no matter what he hides. I want to have control on my anger. Please help me!

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I congratulate you for taking responsibility for your anger, regardless of whether your husband changes his behavior or not. That is the only way your situation can improve, and apparently you are an intelligent person who understands that.

Follow all of the guidelines you will find on this page. The exercises are in-depth and comprehensive, providing tools that will work if you use them. This is not something you try to see if it works. It works if you use the tools, and keep using them as directed.

Part of that process will be a positive shift in your focus. You will find great relief in keeping your mind and heart focused on your husband’s positive aspects, and trusting him to improve his communication as you improve your anger control.

You can do this. You sound like a good and bright person, and I strongly encourage you to learn all you can about the origins of your anger and heal it.

By the way, from what you’ve written here, I think it’s important that I point out to you that your husband’s actions are not the cause of your anger. The kind of anger episodes you describe always come from deeper underlying issues, and are simply being triggered by current stressors such as your husband’s lack of communication.

Believe in yourself, and your husband. You will succeed.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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