I Have Become Mrs. Anger
Ready To Change
I have become a bully in some ways. I get angry a lot and take it out on my family and boys with name calling. I’m verbally abusive now and just can't seem to get ahold of it.
I'm 49, and I know I'm hormonal and have to try and calm down. I just can't seem to and I am getting worse by the year. My boys are great. They’re 12 and 15, and my older kids are out 27 and 31, living good lives. I’m a grandma of 2.
I was really young when married. I was in a horribly abusive marriage for 7 years, being with my first husband from 14 to 24. My mom signed me off basically, and no I wasn't pregnant. It was just easier than dealing with a teen, she said.
She was pregnant at 15 and 16, yet still let me get married young like she did. She was only married 2 years to my dad. I no longer talk to her. It's been 6 years because of her perverted husband number 3.
I got remarried to my husband, 2 years after my divorce. He was good with the kids and comes from a good family. I really don't know if he married me because of love, or felt it was time. We had dated 5 years, I was 26 and he was 24.
I told him we need to get married or part. I started to think it wasn't good for my kids to just keep dating. So we went to city hall and married on a Wednesday (real romantic). He didn't tell his parents until afterward, which went over big in a Mexican catholic family of 14, him being the baby. But he was ok with it.
We have been married now 18 years, but we are drifting apart . We have 2 boys, 12 and 15. We never do anything together without arguments. I work part time as a Real estate temp, since I have no education really.
I hate being who I am anymore, and feel I'm being a bad role model to my boys. I have this crazy thing about not leaving and being a good mother. I'm faithful, very loyal, honest, and devote everything to my family.
I have this self-righteous anger somehow, and justify being angry all the time. This isn't me. I've somehow lost myself, or don't know what I want any more, my husband says I'm psycho, crazy, unhappy and angry and need help because of my bad relationship with my mom.
I hate he feels this way, because I'm not crazy. I have taken psych classes enough to know better, I know the difference. Anyhow, that's just some of my background and any advice at all would help.
I hate to have to be divorced once again, and from a decent man this time.