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I am a married man, I am out of town all week for work. My younger wife and my job is pushing me beyond my level of control.
With these days like they are, all I feel is anger all the time. My job is stressful enough, but now my wife is always going out to eat and out with her friends and it is breaking the bank.
We have talked and talked about it and she says she will do better, but 20 mins after I leave, she goes out.
It's never going to stop, and I cant take it anymore. I believe my mind may have slipped, because I now find myself here, and saying that I do not care anymore.
I do not know what to do and my wife is asking whats happened to me.
My question is, how do I proceed ?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Vic, and thanks for telling your story here. While I don't know a lot of the specifics of your situation, I will offer some suggestions.
Regardless of your wife's actions, you are totally responsible for your reactions. You don't want your anger to make a bad situation worse, so I suggest you try these methods for managing it.
The three part journaling process described on this page will help you, if you choose to use it. This might be difficult for some people, but if you can get yourself to do it, you will probably receive some benefit...and maybe a lot. Especially the positive journaling, which will help to shift your focus off of all the things that are driving your stress level up so high.
Whatever you do, I suggest you practice the anger management techniques on a regular basis, focusing on the ones that work best for you.
You said you've gotten to a place where you don't care. I understand that, and I know that it is a defense mechanism when you are overwhelmed. It's not the truth. You do care, and if you lose control and do something drastic, you will realize just how much you care.
Use the exercises I've recommended, and take charge of your anger so it does not take charge of you.
If you feel you need more help, consider these online anger management classes.
Believe the best of your wife, Vic. Focus on yourself and do these exercises, and trust her. I know that is asking a lot, but it is far better than the alternative. If she is indeed depleting all of your resources with no regard for the family's financial well being, then that's another matter and you have to consider other alternatives. Otherwise, do your best to love and accept her as she is.
My very best to you,
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