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I Am Invisible To My Husband

by Anonymous

Hello. I am a 27 year old female with two beautiful children. I have been with the same man for 6 years. At first he was sweet and would make me feel like no other has ever made me feel. We got married when I was 20 and soon after we had our first child.

He had always been unsure about wanting to be with me for years until recently he says he won't leave us. He says that every relationship is the same and there is no need to find another.

I try to talk to him about how I want us to be close emotionally and he ignores me. He won't look at me or talk. He turns the tv on or gets up to make a sandwich. I cry because he ignores me and he still sits there and doesn't do anything.

He also will audio record me when I'm crying and upset and I won't know about it until he starts to make me feel like I'm acting crazy because I cry. I stay at home with my kids and he treats me like I do nothing. I ask for money and he asks me why I need it. I don't buy anything for myself.

My jeans are two sizes too small for me after I had my second baby. I never ask for anything for myself. I strictly eat ramen noodles and bologna and when he gives me money I will go to the store and cook for us.

He says I am ungrateful and I'm not sure why. I thank him for working hard and letting me stay home with my kids until we feel the youngest is old enough to be out in daycare. I keep the house spotless and his laundry done. He says I'm a good person and I'm a good mother.

His dad has verbally abused me and says I'm nothing but a burden to his son. My husband works Monday through Saturday so we hardly have time together. He says I keep him from doing things he loves like hunting but it's not that.

We hardly ever see him he doesn't get home until 7:30 or 8 every night and my kids are in bed by 8:00. Anytime he has went somewhere he either doesn't come home or he tells me he will be home and doesn't show up when he says he will.

I don't know what to do anymore. It hurts that I can't even talk to him or show my feelings about how I crave us to be close.

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Mar 11, 2017
Please Take Care Of Yourself
by: Anonymous

Hello Angel - I decided to leave the relationship because he threatened to kill me and tried to keep me from breathing by choking me. I have tried to get us to go to counseling and he had refused so many times I knew there was no solution.

The abuse only will get worse as mine did just this past Sunday. I am tired of being neglected and treating as an option. I am working on bettering my kids’ life and as well as mine.

I hope and pray you find a solution and get out while you can. It will only get worse! Work on yourself and build your self-esteem. Love yourself.

Mar 10, 2017
I Can't Stop Crying After Reading Your Post
by: Angel

I know how you feel. I am in a very similar situation, and it is so very painful. I don't know what hurts more, being yelled at, called names and made fun of by my partner or being invisible. Both are destroying me.

I wish I had advice for you, but I am searching for answers myself. I just know that I don't want to continue to live in pain every day. We both deserve to be loved and treated with respect.

I know that just because you stay at home with the kids, does not mean you don't do anything. It means you never get a break. Yes it is wonderful to get the opportunity to do so, and I am thankful for it to. But it is hard when you have to constantly put on a happy mommy face when you are so sad inside. It's exhausting.

My partner holds money over me too. He works similar hours to your husband. It is hard enough when they aren't around but so much worse when they treat you like a piece of crap when they are around. I am so sorry they you are experiencing this.

For me, I almost wish it was physical abuse instead... because then it would be obvious and clear that he is abusing me. Since it's all mental, he's so good at turning it around and making me feel crazy or that I'm in the wrong, even when I am so sure of myself.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just want you to know that you are not alone. You do matter. There is something wrong with our men. I'm sure we both have our faults too, but it's a disconnect with them and we can't keep letting them make us feel so crappy.

I wish you so much luck and hope you find a solution.

Jan 27, 2017
Grateful For Your Responses
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the responses. It is true that I don't see how I am being abused because he tells me that I am selfish, or it's all about me when I try to talk to him, and I think it's my fault. I am in the process of trying to get insurance so I can see a therapist.

My confidence is all gone now. I constantly don't feel good enough and compare myself to all these other people who seem to have it right.

Thank you so much for the response. This is the first time I have actually reached out to someone ever. Thank you

Jan 26, 2017
Don't Be Ignored
by: Anonymous

Your husband has left the marriage emotionally, although he may say he is there…he is not. The doctor is right. The longer you are stuck in this downward spiral the harder it will be to break free and regain the dignity and respect you deserve.

He probably feels he has all the power because he makes all the money so you are constantly feeling belittled by him and his father. His father has no right to speak to you that way and until you stand up for yourself will he know you mean business.

Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start working on your professional skills and look to make some side money somehow to have a little extra pocket money and start building back your confidence as a strong woman.

I know you love your husband but if it is always you trying to make it work and he completely ignores your efforts to work on the marriage, you better start working on yourself for the benefit of your children.

Work on you. Get a hobby and make some side money. Grow into your womanhood and don't be left behind having him dictate what you are.

Never give that much power to anyone, sweetie. May God Bless you and your family and stay strong.

Jan 25, 2017
I Hope This Will Be A Wake Up Call For You
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm so sorry for your pain and sadness. The kind of neglect you're experiencing is in many ways just as damaging as extreme physical abuse...but the wounds do not show.

You desperately need to get some counseling for yourself. Your husband does not honor or respect you as a person, and therefore there is no real possibility of a good marriage for you.

The most alarming part of this is that you don't seem to recognize how you're being abused. Read about emotional abuse, and you'll see what I mean.

Please get some help for yourself as soon as possible. The longer you stay in this kind of abusive relationship, the harder it is to break free.

Many blessings to you as you wake up to what's happening and start taking care of yourself.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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