I Am Angry And So Confused
I don't know what my problem is, and it is driving me crazy. I have a boyfriend, a great set of friends, and a really nice family, but we all have our issues. My mom and brother are constantly fighting, but me and my friends are always great. I don't know what is wrong with me, but for some reason I just can't be nice to my boyfriend. He's so sweet. He does everything for me and I always tell him how much I appreciate it and how thoughtful he is but inside I get so mad at him for such stupid reasons.
I'm always yelling at him but the thing is I care so much about him. I'm almost positive I'm in love with him. We've been going out for around a year. Things have been rough for a while, and I know its my fault. But I don't know how to change and it's killing me. I hate it. I just don't know how not to yell at him. He doesn't even do anything wrong but he'll say something stupid and I just get furious.
It's gotten to the point where he is just wearing down and he told me that. We get into very intense fights yelling at each other at the top of our lungs, it's gotten really bad. I seriously need help but I don't know what to do. I never want to lose him but I think I might if I don't change. And I know that this all sounds like, what the hell...just stop yelling at him. But its really just so hard for me.
I never act like this with anyone. I mean I do have a semi temper but I'm a smart girl and I know how to control it. It's so hard for me to admit it but my parents do kind of spoil me. Not with big house rich car type of thing, but like little things. I usually get what I want, and they trust me completely so things usually work out well.
But we're not extremely close. I have a good connection with them and they're amazing people and always offer advice for me and just want me to do good in school and be happy.
I dont know what my problem is--I really have a problem. I have such good people in my life and I have a lot going for me. I get into big fights with my parents too. We never go out to dinner or anything. We're all kind of independent but not, its really weird. Please please please help me. I think I've developed an anger problem or something because I was never like this, and its driving me crazy. Please help me!
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Bri, and thanks for telling your story here. It is great that you have so many good things going for you, and that you like your family and your boyfriend. Something's not quite right, though, or there wouldn't be all that fighting, and you wouldn't be having the problems you're having with your boyfriend.
I will try to help you as best I can.
Here's what I think is happening. You and your family have love and anger mixed up. That's why there's so much fighting in your family. What's happening now, though, is that you are finding your anger coming out with your boyfriend, for no good reason. That's because you love him, and you've gotten anger mixed up with love.
I want you to start writing daily from your anger, even if you don't feel angry. That gives it a place to go, and it will help you to control it. Do all of the journaling processes you find on this page, and I think you will start getting some relief. Especially focus on writing about the positive things, to help you shift your focus.
If you have any emotional trauma in your past, use the guided imagery healing processes you will find on this page to help you heal emotionally. There is always pain and sorrow behind anger.
You are probably (subconsciously) afraid of being close because that's when you get hurt. So, the more you love your boyfriend, the more he can hurt you, so you push him away with your anger. Do the above exercises, and I think you can break the cycle.
I wish you all the best, Bri.