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I have been dating my boy friend for the past 8 month. I love him so much, but he easily got upset and sometimes for unexpected reasons, he usually yells and screams at me and uses bad words and insults me verbally.
I used to be patient and always forgive him but now I start to feel I'm mentally abused. He drinks a lot and that's make things even worse. I was trying to help him to drink less, and he did like it but I was trying to push it nicely.
He started to drink a little bit less than before but still drinking every night. One day he drank a lot and he was upset with me. He slept for thirty minutes then woke up and went to the bathroom then came to the fridge and opened it then start to kick it hard till he broke the shelves.
That night was a nightmare for me and I meant to leave him after that but I couldn't because I love him so much and I feel sorry for him. Now we are not talking because we had a fight after I asked him to stop abusing me verbally and asked him to deal with me with love and respect.
I don't know what to do, as a last try I sent him a link about the anger management and he replied asking me if I enrolled myself.
Please advice me as I love my boyfriend and I want to help him even if we couldn't stay together.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sue, and thanks for telling your story here. It is good that you care so much, and want to help your boyfriend. However, you cannot help anyone who does not want help for himself.
You need to focus on helping yourself. It sounds to me like the best thing for you to do is be apart from him, but that has to be your decision.
I suggest that you read the following pagesto help you make your decision: how to deal with abusive relationships. Also, take a look at this page on alcohol abuse, to understand that part better. As long as your boyfriend is still drinking, your chances of having a decent relationship with him are pretty much zero.
Make up your mind to create a good life for yourself, and only be with people who treat you with kindness and respect.
My very best to you,
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