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He's Threatened To Kill Himself If I Leave Him

by Anna
(Manchester)



I've only been with my partner for three months. I can be quite clingy and overbearing sometimes, as I've been told in past relationships, so when I started an instant long term relationship with Nathan I thought it was great that we both wanted the same things.

Then things got ugly really quick. We'd have arguments every other day from just three weeks in, about things I do. I started talking to an old friend called Emaline and he doesn't like this particular friend because she didn't think we were good together and said some hurtful things.

But I like to move on and up and forgive and forget. He found this as though I was okay with her saying hurtful things to him and I was condoning it if I reacquainted with her.

A different time an old male friend popped up to me on Snapchat and asked for advice with his girlfriend so I helped him out. My boyfriend found this snooping on my phone and blocked the person for me without asking. I also found out he blocked some of my exes from other social media without consulting me.

I have tried to leave him once before but he threatened to kill himself. To the point where he called me up just to say 'I'm going to drive a knife through my chest when I get home and you don't even care. If I did that you'd be out celebrating my death' because I was out with a female friend having dinner.




I love him and don't want to break up because when he's okay (or when I behave) everything is great and it's the happiest I've been. Is this fixable or do I need to leave? I broke up with him last week and I told him maybe when he fixes himself in a few months we can try again.

I feel like he's telling me everything that I want to hear but he seems like he's really changed. He's looked up what being an emotionally abusive partner is and he's admitted he is some of those things.

He brought me a lovely bouquet of roses yesterday and said he's sorry for everything he's put me through. He keeps saying 'I hope it's not months I have hope it will be sooner.' He's said it several times and still keeps telling me he loves me in every message and is sending hearts.

It’s like he's in denial about being broken up. But I just want to take him back, I just don't know if anything will stay different.

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Sep 07, 2017
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Some Answers For You
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Anna - Thanks for telling your story here. Unfortunately, your boyfriend sounds like a very disturbed individual.

Anyone who would threaten suicide like he has over a breakup has serious problems that are not going to go away all at once. He's just not a good prospect for being in a healthy relationship with anyone until he gets a stronger grip on his own psychological and emotional health.

I strongly encourage you to consider ending this relationship and doing some work on yourself. You said you're aware of being clingy...that's something you need to address before you can be in a healthy relationship with the potential for lasting.

It all starts with getting healthy yourself, and dealing with your own underlying issues. Then you'll be ready for a lasting and loving relationship.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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