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So I'm a teenage girl and last month I met this boy at a church activity who was really nice. He was super friendly, a gentleman, extremely cute, the whole package really.
He started to take a notice in me, which I didn't really understand because there are prettier girls out there, and was flirting with me. He would give me all sort of compliments, open doors for me, get me drinks without me asking for it, put his arm around me, etc.
Before this no boy has ever acted the way he did so to me it was obvious he liked me, at least! It never occurred to me he might be faking it and that he's a player.
This church activity was every Saturday but this particular day was the second to last Saturday we were meeting up so a way to be contacted eventually came up in our conversation. He said he didn't have a phone or any social media accounts and only an email.
I thought that was ridiculous because what teenager doesn't at least have something to let people get a hold of them? I told my mom about him and she said that one little detail messed everything up and he was probably lying and therefore not taking our interactions seriously.
Anyway, the last Saturday rolled around and I saw him again. The same thing happened. But this time I noticed that he was a little flirty with other girls too. At one point I left to go to the bathroom and came back to see him surrounded by a bunch of other girls and carrying one up the stairs. Later I saw him lying down on the floor with his arm around yet some other girl.
I was so mad and hurt! I know we weren't in a relationship but everyone could see there was something going on between us. After all, he was with me the whole time. Everyone saw us walking around with his arm around me and everything. Even the church leaders assumed he was my boyfriend or something. I guess everyone saw it but him.
Well, here comes the revenge part. So after that Saturday I never saw him again and as you can probably guess, he never made an effort to get my phone number or anything. But next week my younger brother is going on a camping trip for 5 days with all the wards (congregations) in our stake (all the congregations in an area) and so he'll see him.
I want to send him to get revenge. Nothing too serious, I mean, I don't want to hurt him. I just want my brother to pull some prank(s) on him. The boy knows my brother but it doesn't really matter. I just want the satisfaction of knowing we did something to him.
It'll never be equal to what he did to me. He played with me. He used me. I was just some other girl, someone to pass the time with. He never thought about how I felt. It doesn't feel good to be taken advantage of.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Michelle, and thanks for telling your story here. You're right, nobody likes to be taken advantage of, and it sounds like that's what happened to you. You were clearly disrespected.
In your situation, and in many situations in life, you have to choose whether you're going to be a victim or a champion. You were certainly a victim of bad treatment by this boy, but I strongly encourage you to step out of that position as quickly as possible.
What I mean is, make up your mind that you're going to use this to get smarter and stronger. I'll help you do just that.
You are worthy of kindness, respect and positive attention from boys, just because of who you are. But you don't need it. In other words, you're good, and things will only get better...that's the attitude you want. That's the attitude that works.
By the way, the revenge probably won't make you feel any better, but it's up to you what you do.
What will help you the most is to be a champion to yourself. Be the "hero of your own movie." Check out this video, to get an ideal of how this works:
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