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Well my story goes like this. I have been married to the love of my life for about 5 years now and over the course of these 5 years, we have had one really big fight, because I tend to get angry and take out my emotions on her over something that wasn't her fault.
On March 7th, 2012, she had stayed at the hospital with a family friend's daughter because she was in labor, and I understood that.
But my family aggravated me all day about it and when she got home around 7:30 pm, I went off on her and told her it seems she doesn't want to spend time with me and all she wants to do is spend time with her friends since she takes my daughter down to another city to visit her friends every weekend and doesn't want me to go or tells me to stay at our house and relax.
Now she wants to have a legal separation from me because of that fight on March 7th, claims she isn't "in love" with me any more and just doesn't bother spending any time with me to maybe resolve the situation so we can have our marriage back says that she needs space away from me to think and that I need to think about myself and possibly taking some sort of anger course since I tend to get angry when people (mainly my family) make negative comments to me about either my wife or our relationship.
I have never hit my wife but there have been times where I, too, did not spend much time with my wife and daughter, but then I do spend time with them and we are all happy. I just don't know what to do since I feel like I am the only one trying to make a change and save my marriage because I truly don't want to lose my wife or daughter.
Can you please give me some advice on how to handle this? I am not angry all the time but when I do "go off" so to say, I usually hurt my wife's feelings.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Matt, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds to me like the first step for you is to emotionally let go of your parents and your family of origin, so that you can focus on your marriage. I suggest that you follow the steps on this FAQ page, which will help you to be more of an independent, adult man, not so influenced by your family or origin.
If your wife is willing, I suggest that the two of you read and follow the steps in this book entitled, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. It will really help your marriage if you do this together.
Believe in yourself, your wife and your marriage, Matt. Make up your mind to heal yourself and be the best husband you can be, in hopes of healing your marriage.
My very best to you,
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