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Feeling Confused About Intuition And Emotional Communication

by Anonymous

Feeling like I have to translate my partner's emotions for the world, because most people we know see an angry side of him that I see as an emotionally wounded person.

It seems like he feels like a victim all the time and has trouble hearing my feelings without feeling attacked. He does not care to communicate with most people. He's a loner, and feels like if people don't give him anything he shouldn't have to give them anything.

He repeatedly has taken my desire to grow in myself as a direct correlation with leaving him.

We are living with another couple and I can feel their tension, annoyance and anger towards him, and I feel trapped between them. I often feel like he is misunderstood, but that he doesn't really care about changing so that he can feel more connected and loved and seen. In order to do that, he would have to see other people's emotions too.

He gets defensive frequently when I express my feelings and how his behavior makes me feel. I often feel like conversations initially make me feel better and then later I still am thinking about them. I often feel like I am the only one working on being a better communicator.

When we first started dating, lots of people told me that he was intense and angry and I felt like I had to defend myself but now I'm wondering if I was just blind because I love him so much.

I would like to grow with him, but I don't know how to say that I need him to have self-reflection and work on himself without him getting angry.

Is it possible to grow with someone or I am being stunted because I feel emotionally drained a lot of the time?

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Feb 23, 2017
The Other Person Has To Want To Grow Too
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It's good that you want to grow, and I encourage you to stay with that goal, no matter what.

However, it sounds like your partner is neither aware that he needs to grow or committed to the idea of growing. There's nothing you can do about that...except to do what you want him to do.

Focus on your own growth and development, and be aware that being in this relationship might be holding you back in your own growth. You may be caught in some caretaking patterns, where you've putting his needs above your own.

Obviously, it is your decision what to do. Trust yourself to make good decisions, take the input you're getting here and elsewhere, and make the healthiest choice you can think of.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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