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Fear Of What Could Happen

by Jeanette
(West Midlands UK)

I have been with my partner 28 years. He is a caring man and has always been there for me,

He has never hit me as he knows that I will not forgive him. I would leave without hesitation as I have known violence from many years ago in my first marriage.

He gets so angry if I correct him and he shouts and makes threats saying, "you do not want me to show you what angry really is." So I keep quiet and just crumble inside.

I am older now and cannot spend my old age always treading on egg shells in case I say the wrong thing or make a noise.

I have thought about running away but do not know where to go as I cannot leave my dog, which some may say is mad. But my dog has kept me sane. And my partner could not look after him as my dog has health issues from being badly abused in his past.

I cry myself to sleep many a night. Thankfully I have my own bedroom as my partner has health problems and he needed a bed for himself as my moving about was keeping him awake.

I smile and pretend I am happy, but inside I am broken and cannot see any way out. I want to scream at him and argue back, but I’m fearful of what he will do. When he was younger he smashed the house up, all over me telling him he was wrong about something.

At that time I told him to leave and we were finished but he said he was sorry and we worked it out. He has never smashed anything since that day. My fear over his verbal abuse is making me ill.

I know it may sound not that bad as he has never hit me, but its turning me into a nervous wreck.

What can I do?

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Jan 17, 2018
No More Fear
by: Jeanette

Since posting my story about my partner's verbal threats and living in fear, I have left the relationship and have my dog safe with me.

I found out who my friends were when I asked for their help. I am already feeling happier and less distressed, although my partner is very upset and regrets his treatment of me and wants me back.

I will never go back. Thank you for the advice.

Jan 16, 2018
This Is As Bad As Physical Abuse
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Jeanette - Thanks for telling your story here.

I'm glad you have set boundaries around physical abuse, and that you will not tolerate it.

Let me assure you, however, that what you're experiencing is just as bad. You're a victim of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, which can ultimately be as damaging as prolonged physical abuse.

So, use that same resolve you have used to draw a line in the sand re. him hitting you. He's tormenting and terrorizing you now, with his words, threats and intimidation.

This is not love. You are in a battered woman syndrome just as much as if you were being beaten.

Take action now, before it gets any worse. Find a shelter, take your dog, and leave. Or, stay with a friend or family member if that's possible.

I hope you'll take action to take care of yourself.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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