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Hi, my name is Alisha and I'm 15 years old. My mum tends to drink a lot. It's not every day but I'd say 3-4, or even 5 times a week.
When she does this she doesn't know her limits. Sometimes she starts really early in the day and it makes me get really angry. This usually ends up with me screaming at her because I'd rather her not drink because it's bad for her health. And it results in me crying in my room for hours.
I know my mum likes a drink, but when she does she gets embarrassing and cocky and loud. It gets me really angry. Sometimes my anger does get the better of me, and I raise my voice and it gets to the point were I want to physically hurt someone.
I don't think my mum understands that I only do these things because I love her and I don't want to see her die of drinking too much alcohol.
I don't know what to do to control my anger. I have told her to stop drinking, and she says "Oh, don't worry, I'll be fine." Her drinking seems to have gotten worse since her sister died.
My dad and my nan both agree with me but my mum and my twin sister don't seem to understand where I'm coming from.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Alisha, and thanks for telling your story here. Sorry it took so long to answer you. I can tell it's really hard for you with your mother drinking like she does. I know this scares you for her health, and I can see why it would also make you angry.
I don't know if you know much about alcoholism, but I think it would help you to learn what you can. It will help you understand your situation, and what it means to be in your position, living with an alcoholic mother.
I'm sure your mum is a good person, but it's really very important that you understand that she's an alcoholic, and not someone who just likes a drink. Read this page on alcohol abuse to understand more about why I can say clearly that she is an alcoholic, from what you've written here.
I want to be very clear also, that it's not your job to get her to change. It's totally her job. Your job is just to try to be as healthy as you can be, in the choices that you make. So, I'm going to give you some advice that will help you in a couple of ways.
1) I strongly encourage you to seek out a group in your area called ALANON. It is a free support group that helps people who are in relationships with alcoholics. It would be good if you could get your dad and your nan to go with you.
2) And regarding your anger, I recommend that you read and practice these anger management techniques on a regular, every day basis. Pay special attention to the journaling processes, because they will really help you a lot if you use them.
I can tell you're a bright girl, Alisha. You are worthy of love and a good life, no matter what. Your anger is there for a reason. Living with your mother's drinking and unpredictable behavior is very hard on you, but you will survive, and if you follow my recommendations, you can come through this with much less damage to you.
If you're at all oriented toward prayer, I encourage you to pray for your mum. As you pray for her, picture her getting sober and making good decisions. Picture her at her very best. This will bring you some comfort, and it is a very good way to pray.
I wish you all the best, Alisha.
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