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Drinking, Anger, Violence

by Lindsay
(Largo, FL, USA)

I have realized in the past couple of weeks that I have a problem! But I don't know how to deal with it.

My boyfriend of 2 years just moved out of our house because of my anger and our fighting. The worst of our fights are always when we are drinking. But I am the aggressor.

When we start our arguments I feel like he puts me in a place that I can't get out of, and I just lose all control!

It doesn't matter who is around us, I'm not stopping. And that's when I use physical violence towards him. It's only been a handful of times, but one too many for both him and I.

I tell him I'll never put my hands on him again, but then I get a little alcohol inside of me and I just can't help myself! I told him I'll never drink again, but in order for him to move back in I need some help other than just the drinking!

He can say something to me that will just make me so angry. Why do I feel this way? It's when I'm drinking and also when I'm not!

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Lindsay, and thanks for telling your story here. It is very clear that your problem is serious, and that you need to take action to keep things from getting worse.

One thing I want to say up front is that you have to deal with your alcoholism first. After my 38 years of experience, I can assure you that you will not get any lasting relief or healing from your anger problems until you are sober and well established in a recovery program.

Yes, you definitely need to deal with your anger and heal emotionally. But there is a definite order in which these things need to happen--the alcohol recovery has to come first.

So, get yourself into a rehab program, or Alcoholics Anonymous, and get a few months of sobriety, then write again and I'll help you with your anger.

Meanwhile, if you want to start working on your anger while you're in recovery, I suggest you follow the three journaling processes on this page.

You're a good person, Lindsay, and that's why you want help. Believe in yourself, and get sober. Then, your emotional healing will go on for a while, but if you're committed, you can do it.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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