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Divorced And Confused Emotionally

by Benjamin
(Bakersfield, Ca.)

I am 36 years old and feeling like my life has no purpose. Growing up I saw my mother and father get in one bad argument. I saw my father strike my mother and never was real close to him since then. I had a lot of resentment towards him and still loved him.

I grew up thinking I would never hurt my partner in life and be like him. I was sixteen when I first got married to my first wife, divorced eight years later. Met my second wife and had two kids with her. I thought I was doing a good job at providing for my family but was hardly ever home.

My wife cheated on me, then left me and I had a fling and things just keep getting worse. After being married for ten years my father got sick with cirrhosis and my wife and kids and I moved in with my parents to help out financially. My father died and my wife was being treated badly by my mother and brother when I was at work. She asked me for us to get our own place and I told her "soon."

She ended up going to another state and asked for a divorce. I guess I am jealous and resentful and in pain that I didn't make the best decisions for my wife and kids and I. She came back four months later and we jumped back into our already broken relationship. Then she moved in with another man and that pissed me off even more than the cheating did. I still love my ex wife and wish my destructive behavior could be under control.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Benjamin, and thanks for telling your story here. You have had a lot of pain, and I congratulate you for taking responsibility for your part in it. That says a lot about your integrity as a person. Now, the question is, what to do now so that you don't continue the pattern of creating pain in your life.

I suggest you start by working to let go of your parents' influence by following the guidelines on this FAQ page. Put as much into this as you can, Benjamin. This is very important.

Also, do all three journaling processes you will find on this page. This will help you a lot, but only if you do it sincerely and regularly. This will help you get to know yourself in a new way.

It's time for you to start healing as a person, Benjamin. These journaling exercises can be very helpful tools, especially if you use them regularly, and on an ongoing basis.

Believe in yourself, and make up your mind to create a good life for yourself, Benjamin.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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