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Dangerously In Love With A Broken Man

by Nicole
(USA)

I fell in love with a broken man.

He was kind enough to help me when I found myself in a rough spot. He too was in a rough spot. Together all we had was each other.

I later found out he was abusive in the sense that when he gets in a heated argument he results to threatening and getting physical. While I've never been punched I have been slapped and choked before.

Let’s be honest…after these things occurred he certainly did not go untouched. I defended myself.

I still love this man, after the 2nd time of making him leave. I see that the love is there but he simply does not know how to love, since he wasn’t raised in a loving household and he watched his dad abuse his mother.

How can we fix this? He has taken the first steps to get help by seeking a pastor who offered an anger management class. He also has agreed to seek counseling.

Fix Yourself First

I want to marry him but I'd much rather stick with someone than be stuck. What is your advice for me?

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Jan 09, 2022
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The Outcome
by: Jessica Nichole

I just wanted to provide an update. Almost 4 years later I am no longer with this man. I didn’t take the advice. I stayed another 2 years. It ended in violence of course.

I chose to stay friends for my son’s sake. However, he found a new love who drove a wedge in between him and my son who he has raised since he was four yrs. old.

He recently broke up with his girlfriend Christmas Day because she asked his daughter when she was going home. Well to my surprise he reached out to me after being separated a year and rekindled old feelings that I had locked away. It was cruel intent as he simply lied to me and got back with his girl.

I am writing to say that when you love someone it’s really deep sometimes. So deep that you won’t listen to anyone or you think irrationally. Had I listened to Dr. DeFoore the first time I may have saved myself some trouble.

Love is so blind. Don’t waste time and years just take the advice. I am still single and realizing the lessons that I gained as a result of my own ignorance.

I am beautiful kind and successful. I’ve been low and had extreme highs! I appreciate having support here and I hope my words encourage those hanging on to move on and be their best self!

Aug 29, 2018
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Please Consider This Carefully
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Nicole, and thanks for telling your story here.

From what you've written here, I would strongly suggest that you get out of that relationship, and do not get intimately involved in any relationship until you have done some work on yourself.

You said you connected when you were in a rough spot, and that you were all each other had. That's a bad beginning for a love relationship, and in my experience, that always leads to problems and often abuse.

You said you've been abused before, and that you "defend yourself" when you're hurt. Get some counseling for yourself, and find out about your own patterns and where they come from, or you will likely continue to be drawn to abusive relationships.

This is entirely up to you, of course, but you asked for my input, so here it is.

Believe in yourself first, Nicole, and put all relationships on hold until you are more emotionally and psychologically healthy yourself.

Broken people create broken relationships, and whole, healthy people create strong, loving relationships.

I hope this helps.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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