Computer Illiterate College Student Trapped In Technology Generation
(Warrensburg, MO, USA)
I don't belong in my generation. I wear pearls and modest clothing and was raised in the ways of wisdom and intelligence. I don't understand why people these days are so greedy, stupid, and emotionally governed.
Computers and technology in general are strangely challenging toward my temper. I work on all different types of computers, and when the computer doesn't work or erases my hard work, a spark flies and ignites a blazing fury within me.
People have heard me muttering and swearing at the blasted machine and they shun me for it. Not like I care, because they're idiotic sheep who live mediocre, consumer-driven lives. It does however frustrate me to hear those self-serving cretins casting dark stares in my direction and running their mouths about me. As if they have any right at all.
I don't do technology. I do literature, fine art, yoga, experimental music, and I value classic and traditional ways of life (without the chauvinistic roles of women). I can barely hang on to my temper.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Holli. Thanks for writing your story and asking for counseling on this site. It is great that you feel good about your background and your preferences. Self-esteem is a wonderful asset, and your love for literature, art and traditional ways of life I'm sure brings you a lot of satisfaction. These positive connections are essential to anger management, so let's see how we can help you feel even better about yourself. It is clear that you're not comfortable about how you're managing your anger.
You say you were raised in the ways of wisdom and intelligence. I want you to consider that you will feel much better about yourself, and will certainly be more wise and intelligent when you master the art of allowing others to be who and how they are, without judging them or wishing they were different. This will give you such relief when you progress in the direction of allowing.
Your anger and your words are particularly harsh, and that reflects some bitterness inside you. I assure you that you suffer more from that bitterness than anyone else does. Let's see if we can help you heal some of the pain, fear and anger that is behind the bitterness. No one has the kind of intense anger that you have unless there is some wounding in their past. If you don't agree, or don't want to take this approach, just stop reading at this point and do something else that feels better to you.
Okay, you're still reading...here is what I suggest:
1) Write a detailed account of all of any abuse, abandonment or neglect from your childhood. Don't hold back or leave anything out. Try to describe every detail. This is for no one's eyes but yours, so don't worry about that.
2) Use the guided imagery healing processes you will find on this page to heal emotionally from the pain or trauma you may have experienced.
3) Use the journaling processes you will find described on this page to begin managing your anger more effectively on a daily basis. This will include a daily journaling process of writing from your anger and then shifting to positive journaling about the good things in the world around you, other people and the generation you're a part of.
4) Moment by moment, day by day, every time you think of your computers or other people, think of their positive aspects--what you appreciate and benefit from. Use this to extend the benefits of the positive journaling process above.
Holli, I know a lot of people can related to your frustration about computers. It sounds like you have to use them a lot, which I guess is standard for a college student today. Might as well develop a positive relationship with technology--it's not going anywhere, and I'd be concerned about your well being if you stay this angry at technology for the rest of your life.
If you do the journaling exercises I recommended above, be sure and write about the positive aspects of computers and technology--I assure you your frustration would be greater if you had to use a typewriter and carbon paper! Here you are getting some free counseling right now--because of the Internet.
Finally, think of how much better you will feel about yourself when you are no longer so angry at your generation, technology and other people.
I heard it said once that "You're as good as the best, and no better than the worst." Try that one on for size, and see if it helps ease some of the tension you feel regarding other people.
My very best to you,