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Can't Handle Reality And Everything is Everyone Else's Fault

by Stephanie
(Amelia, OH, USA)

A person with extreme anger is often set off by the smallest thing. My boyfriend expriences fits of rage over everything. If the light at an intersection is red for too long he begins to yell and punch the dash of the car. If I ask him to help me clean up the house more than once then he begins to yell and cuss at me.

He has often hit me and can't control his emotions. He will always apologize but as soon as something upsets him he is a mean person again. He tells me I'm worthless. That I'm stupid.

I have a child by him and don't want my son to grow up to be like him. I know that my boyfriend will never change, but I am unable to find a job right now. I go job hunting everyday...nothing is working out. I feel like I am trapped with no way out.

It wasn't always like this. I don't know what happened...but I know that it will always be this way no matter what. I will eventually leave him before my son is old enough to imitate his behavior. I just wish that it wasn't this way. I wish I could be the one to change him.

You have to realize you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. If he doesn't treat you good in the beginning he will never treat you good.

Because I let him get away with hitting me and treating me badly, he will never stop, no matter how many times he apologizes and promises it will never happen again it will always happen again.

WARNING SIGNS....he cant handle everyday situations without flipping out. Everything that happens to him is someone elses fault. Hits himself or you, yells and cusses at his family.

Basically if a man has an anger problem you'll be able to notice right away. Get away from him as soon as possible. Never believe him when he says it will never happen again, because trust me from personal experience, once a man hits you he will always hit you. Even once is too much.

Always know you're worth more than that and you deserve to be with someone that loves you enough not to hit you. You want someone who enjoys their life and wants you to enjoy yours. I hoped this has at least helped someone. Protect yourself and your children from harm, even if that means keeping them from their own father.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Stephanie, and thanks for telling your story here. I agree with everything you have said.

I hope you're following your own advice. It sounds like you're still with him. If so, I'm concerned for you and your son.

You are in a battered person situation, and you are responsible for putting yourself there and for getting yourself out.

I suggest you take a look at this web page, if you have not already done so: how to deal with abusive relationships.

Put yourself first, Stephanie. If you've already found a job and moved out, that's great. If not, please consider taking your son to a women's shelter until you can get your own place.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to offer as much free help as possible.

Comments for Can't Handle Reality And Everything is Everyone Else's Fault

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Oct 22, 2012
Everyone's Fault but his own
by: Anonymous

I recently let go of a relationship due to emotional stress such as screaming and hanging up the phone on me when he was upset. Towards the end of the relationship I felt in fear. After being with this person for a few months, I noticed a pattern where he would go off and scream at me and blame for things that were his own fault. I kept on thinking the situation was going to get better. I never felt right about the relationship because, I always have had the right type of "love in a relationship" from past relationships. Then, I figured there was a deeper issue and that he was left from his mother when he was younger and had hatred. I knew he needed counseling. That's when, I came to your site to better understand what Anger is really about it. Thanks for sharing your articles. Now, I have a better understanding and let go of the situation and am very happy.

Nov 12, 2010
Don't know what to do
by: Anonymous

I have been with him for five years. I fell so in love with him in the first 3 months. And I haven't been able to leave him. He has done everything abusive to me. And he met someone online and swears nothing happened between them and he never met her in person. Today he threw a plate of across the kitchen and broke it and chipped a few pieces out of my stove. And I told him to take everything and leave but then I find myself trying to get him on the phone through his sister and sister's boyfriend.

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