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Can't Handle Reality And Everything is Everyone Else's Fault
(Amelia, OH, USA)
A person with extreme anger is often set off by the smallest thing. My boyfriend expriences fits of rage over everything. If the light at an intersection is red for too long he begins to yell and punch the dash of the car. If I ask him to help me clean up the house more than once then he begins to yell and cuss at me.
He has often hit me and can't control his emotions. He will always apologize but as soon as something upsets him he is a mean person again. He tells me I'm worthless. That I'm stupid.
I have a child by him and don't want my son to grow up to be like him. I know that my boyfriend will never change, but I am unable to find a job right now. I go job hunting everyday...nothing is working out. I feel like I am trapped with no way out.
It wasn't always like this. I don't know what happened...but I know that it will always be this way no matter what. I will eventually leave him before my son is old enough to imitate his behavior. I just wish that it wasn't this way. I wish I could be the one to change him.
You have to realize you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. If he doesn't treat you good in the beginning he will never treat you good.
Because I let him get away with hitting me and treating me badly, he will never stop, no matter how many times he apologizes and promises it will never happen again it will always happen again.
WARNING SIGNS....he cant handle everyday situations without flipping out. Everything that happens to him is someone elses fault. Hits himself or you, yells and cusses at his family.
Basically if a man has an anger problem you'll be able to notice right away. Get away from him as soon as possible. Never believe him when he says it will never happen again, because trust me from personal experience, once a man hits you he will always hit you. Even once is too much.
Always know you're worth more than that and you deserve to be with someone that loves you enough not to hit you. You want someone who enjoys their life and wants you to enjoy yours. I hoped this has at least helped someone. Protect yourself and your children from harm, even if that means keeping them from their own father.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Stephanie, and thanks for telling your story here. I agree with everything you have said.
I hope you're following your own advice. It sounds like you're still with him. If so, I'm concerned for you and your son.
You are in a battered person situation, and you are responsible for putting yourself there and for getting yourself out.
I suggest you take a look at this web page, if you have not already done so: how to deal with abusive relationships.
Put yourself first, Stephanie. If you've already found a job and moved out, that's great. If not, please consider taking your son to a women's shelter until you can get your own place.
My very best to you,
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