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By A Bottle

by Krystle
(Jacksonville, FL)

This Sunday was supposed to be a good day for my family and me. Kind of a house warming, kind of a farewell party. We went out, bought horse shoes, steak, shrimp and all the needs for a great dinner.

We got back to the house and started drinking. My fiance has chemical dependency issues, and I have serious issues dealing with the anger I feel toward him when he wants to use. So, him and I are rather intoxicated and he tells me he's going out to get high, at this I get in his face and start to scream at him. when he tries to walk past me, I push him back and continue screaming at him.

Finally he pushes me and we get into an all out fight, I hit him in the face with a bottle and he runs out the back door. When he comes back to tell me we have to stop it right now, because the neighbor is outside, I punch him square in the face in the same place I hit him with the bottle. It didn't solve any thing or get my way, he still stayed out all night and got high.

Now he has a swollen and bruised eye, and for the first time ever I see how bad of an anger problem I have.

I never want to hurt any one, let alone the one person I love more then anything. I'm dearly remorseful and I feel awful and I want help for this problem. I have read some techniques to help better deal with these type of situations in the future and I intend on practicing the things I've read. I am going to counseling as soon as my insurance situation permits.

I hope one day he can forgive me and we can get past this, and I can be a better person by learning how to express my anger in a healthy way instead of a self and relationship destructive manner.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Krystle, and thanks for telling your story here. I think it is great that you want apply what you've learned in your reading, and that you plan to get counseling.

It's also good that you realize you have an anger problem. You became physically violent in your anger, which is an extreme loss of control. And as you said, that's not who or how you want to be. You're better than that.

There's one piece of the puzzle that you left out--your drinking. You probably wouldn't have become violent like that if you had not been drinking.

I strongly suggest that you join an Alcoholics Anonymous group in your area, and the sooner the better. If you continue to drink, the efforts you make to deal with your anger just won't work.

Make your recovery from alcoholism your first priority, then focus on your anger management.

Believe in yourself, Krystle. You are a good person, and that's why you don't want to hurt people.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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