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This morning, my cat crapped in my chair again. I know he can't help it, because I'm the one who messed up his stomach without really realizing what I was doing - see, I ground up Centrum and added just a tiny bit to his food, about a pinch at a time.
After a while, he got terribly sick, started vomiting every day and had diarrhea really bad. So, I stopped feeding him the ground up vitamins, and after about a week, he stopped vomiting. That made me feel so much better. I figured things would be better, and he seemed better.
But then he started having indigestion again and there it went. So I read up on some websites that appeared reputable and went on the advice that cats apparently can go for 48 hours without food as long as there's adequate water, to flush out his stomach - I figured it was better than doing nothing, as I really don't have the money right now to do anything as far as taking him to a veterinarian.
That worked for about a week, too. I've had him for about six months now, since he was a kitten - and he HAS gotten big, probably thanks to the vitamins - but I know that I've hurt him somehow. And I hate it so much that I get angry at him when he drops one in my chair, or on my floor, or anywhere in my house.
This house never used to stink, and now it smells of cat excrement. I've tried my best to love him up, give him toys, good food, all that - but I've really only hurt him, and that hurts so bad. It got to me so badly today that I put him outside...as soon as his feet touched the ground, he ran off.
I honestly felt like just bawling. I almost did, to be quite honest. Here it was, and I really felt as if this creature loved me, and I was quite attached to it as well - I'd been spending my own meager food money on his litter and his food and cleaning his crap out of his box and all the things involved, and he just ran off without hesitation. Wouldn't come back when I called.
Maybe he knew I was angry with him, I don't know.
He came back, about a half-hour later...maybe it was just too cold, or maybe he really does love me. At any rate, it does make me happy. I just wish I could make him better. I've almost broken his paw by stepping on him a few times, but in my defense, he DID learn to stay out from under my feet...had the worst habit of that.
It's just really amazing how much a pet has influence over you and your feelings and your whole day without you even realizing it until it's gone, you know?
But it also is kinda nice because a cliche, as it rarely ever does, has just come true - "if you love something, let it go..."
I love my cat. I hate myself. Something is wrong here.
I think I hate myself mostly because I really do seem to screw everything up...essentially, like a King Midas of Fail.
But my cat loves me, I think, and came back to me, so that makes me just a little happier inside.
Reponse from Dr. DeFoore
Thanks for your story, Steven. Try seeing yourself through your cat's eyes. And I bet there might even be a human being who loves you too! Remember that person, and try seeing yourself through their eyes, and consider that they might not be wrong for thinking you're a good person.
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