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I always had an anger problem when I was a child. It started to grow worse and worse everyday when I was in school and trying to deal with my parents. They didn't want to help me out with my homework and would take things out on me when I didn't deserve it.
I noticed something one time when I was around 19 years old. I was drinking alcohol one evening, and I realized I was angry every time my mom would try to talk to me (positive or not positive). I couldn't understand why I was so mad at her when I had no reason to be.
I literally told her to please not talk to me--that I was feeling really angry and I did not know why. I said that I was getting really hot-headed and that everything she said to me made me feel like hitting her.
I had never felt like this before in my life and I couldn't explain why I was going through it that night.
I'm so glad that my mom never called the cops on me like her friend told her to! I am very relieved as I'm pretty sure the outcome would not have been good. I've even wondered if I might have been shot and killed that night.
I never experienced that feeling again, until the age of 27 when my 3 yr. old was driving me nuts. I am a single mom, and on that day in particular, he was really getting on my nerves. Then I had that same feeling again that I had with my mom. I did not hit my kid or harm him in any way. I just sent him to time-out.
I could barely control myself. I walked outside, to take a breather before I felt like doing something to him.
What is this and why do I feel like this once in a GREAT BLUE MOON? I know my anger is passed down on my father's side of the family, but I don't understand why I have only experienced this type of anger twice in my lifetime--without anyone really creating it for me. It just came on!
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sunny, and thanks for writing your story on this site. I want to respond to several things you said. But first I want to congratulate you for asking for help. You're a good person who wants to do the right thing, and that's why you're reaching out for help here. Your anger just doesn't feel right to you, and that's because it doesn't match up with who you really are and how you want to be.
You mentioned "drinking alcohol" in connection with one of the incidents above. While I don't know anything about your drinking, I just want to share these "early warning signs of alcoholism" with you, in case that's a part of the problem. Read this page on alcohol abuse, and that should help you know where you stand.
The anger problems you're having do not seem "once in a blue moon." You said you always had anger problems as a child, and that they got worse every day.
By the way, I'm really glad you didn't hurt your child! That's why it's so great that you're asking for help here.
This is what I want you to do (after you're sure that alchohol is not part of the problem):
1) Write a detailed account of any abuse and mistreatment you received as a child. Don't hold back or leave anything out. Try to describe every detail. This is for no one's eyes but yours, so don't worry about that. The benefit is how it will help you to revisit these memories from your present position.
2) Use the guided imagery healing processes you will find on this page to heal emotionally from the abuse.
3) Use the journaling processes you will find described on this page to begin managing your anger more effectively on a daily basis. This will include a daily journaling process of writing from your anger and then shifting to positive journaling about the good things in you, your life and your son.
4) Moment by moment, day by day, every time you think of your son, think of his positive aspects--what you like, admire, and love about him. Use this to extend the benefit of the positive journaling process above.
The answers are withing you, Sunny. You have what it takes to resolve your anger problems. Use these tools, and you will get good results.
Most importantly, believe in yourself. You dan do this.
My very best to you,
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