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Anger Is Changing My Personality

by Grace

Hi - I’m 16 and I live with my parents. For the past couple of months I’ve had anger and resentment bottled up inside me. It’s not healthy and I want to get rid of it as it’s affecting me day to day and changing my personality for the worst.

I used to have an okay relationship with my family. We were never close, yet we could get along. However, these past couple of months, I felt like the anger is making me hate my family. Usually if we have an argument I just listen and forget about it, however, nowadays I’m talking back and blowing things out of proportion.

Then afterwards, I’ll think about everything I said and feel guilty about it. I genuinely feel like if I didn’t exist, or disappeared, my brother and parents would live in peace. I feel miserable and often wish I could just die. I’m starting to feel like the outsider in my family and I can never really be the child that my parents want me to be, and this disappointment and hurt is fueling the anger and resentment inside of me.

I know that the anger has changed me because I always had a bright and optimistic personality. Now I don’t care about anything and dwell on the worst things in life. It’s also changing the way I act and communicate with others.

Nowadays, I hate my brother and find him annoying and bothersome, then feel guilty for feeling so as he’s just a 10 year old kid doing things that kids his age would normally do. I always speak to him harshly when he doesn’t deserve to be spoken to that way. I don’t want to be a bad sister for him. I want to be someone that he likes and trusts, not someone who always call him names, makes him upset and never says a good word to him.

I think the anger is caused by stress and hurt. My parents are constantly pushing me to get the best grades in all my tests and if I don’t get it, I get yelled at. I have important exams coming up and they remind me of this every day. They accuse me of not reviewing and tell me I don’t work hard enough.

If I fall asleep before 10:30 and don’t wake up before 5:00am every day, they tell me I don’t work hard enough and I will fail in life. It’s not just grades, every aspect of my life gets scrutinized and if not done to perfection, I get yelled at. I get told off at least twice a day for one thing or another. It may be simple things, like not tidying up after myself, but I get yelled up for a good 15 minutes.

In the past I could brush it off, but now I can’t and this is making me extremely tired of it all. Sometimes I don’t want to continue living. A bit dramatic, I know. I just want to know how to get rid of the anger and resentment inside of me so I can go back to being myself again.

Sorry, this is longer that I expected it to be and I tried to convey my feelings as best as possible. Thank you.

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Mar 06, 2017
You've Got Good Reasons For Your Anger
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Grace - Thanks for telling your story here. The pressure your parents are putting on you, along with the verbal abuse when you don't meet their expectations, is enough to explain your anger.

I'm sure your parents are good people, and I'm sure they mean well. However, their methods with you are not healthy. That's why you're angry. There's nothing wrong with you.

I think it will really help you to start doing a daily journaling exercise, as described on this page. This will help you get your anger out in a healthy, safe way, and it will also help you to shift your attitude back to your more natural positive personality.

You're a good person, Grace. That's why you don't like all of the anger you're feeling. But it's there for a reason, and when you do the journaling, you're honoring your emotions, not fighting with them, and your anger will begin to subside.

I hope you find this helpful.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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