Anger Has Cost Me Everything And Everyone I Love
I've always had a problem with anger. It goes back as far as a young child where I would trash my room and throw things at my parents.
When I moved out at 20 things slowly started getting better with my parents and our relationship started getting back on track. The anger didn't go, but I was on my own and couldn't hurt anyone.
I then began a relationship with my best friend and everything in my life seemed great, she meant everything to me and still does and everything in my life started to look up for the first time ever.
It wasn't long before the anger came out again though, and although at first she could look past it as she is my first relationship and gave me the benefit of the doubt as I was new to all this, after just over 3 yrs and 8 months of those 3 years being married I've now lost her, her family and our friends because of my anger.
When I drink I'm like a ticking time bomb. Sometimes I can be a laugh and others I can turn into an aggressive, abusive monster. When I'm drunk I have no shame and don't care who sees me angry. It scares me, and the worst thing is I always forget what happens when I calm down. Even when sober I forget things I said, things I did and things she said to me.
I recently smashed the house up after a night out for a friend's birthday. I made an ass of myself at the party and got confronted about a few things I did and I kicked off, even though I'm 100% guilty.
I still feel the need to kick off. I made my wife so mad at me she hit me. She's the nicest, most gentle person on this planet. I then pushed her about and pushed her to the floor more than once. I smashed things and punched a mirror and cut my hand open.
She called her parents to come rescue her and her friend from this monster I became, and the police also came and arrested me. I can't remember any of this but I can remember everything 5 minutes after it happened. It's like it's 2 different people in one body.
Once I was released, my wife decided to stay together but after only a day she decided she couldn't as she couldn't get it out of her head. I'm now having to move out and although she's said if I get things sorted in x amount of months she may be ready to take me back, I'm pretty sure I've lost her forever. Why would someone who had everything be so angry? I don't understand and I've lost everything and everyone in my life.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You're asking the right questions. I will try to help.
First, I want to say that you are clearly a severe alcoholic, from the symptoms you have described here. If you don't deal with your alcoholism, you will not have any success with your anger or any meaningful relationship.
I'm sure this is not what you wanted to hear, but then nobody wants to hear this. I would be remiss as a professional if I didn't tell you that your addiction must be treated before you can do any emotional healing with any lasting benefit.
Please read this page on alcohol abuse, to understand the addiction and what steps to take to get sober. If you don't take this step, your life will unfortunately continue to go downhill. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, so it gets worse until you get into recovery.
I hope you will take the action to get sober, for your benefit and for the benefit of everyone who loves you.
I can tell that you're a good person, and that's why you don't like the anger and abusiveness. Please take care of yourself, and get into an alcoholism recovery program of some kind as soon as possible.
My very best to you,
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