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I was working on my second marriage with a man that I thought was the man of my dreams. My first husband and I were so totally not right for each other, so when I met the man that I eventually married for my 2nd husband, I truly thought I had met my soul mate and would even comment that I wondered where this man had been all my adult life.
Well, fast forward 15 years and we're now divorced. I would have to say that it was mainly because of my fear of abandonment/rejection which came from my childhood and I had never dealt with it, so it created an anger that I took out on my husband. It's just unfortunate that I didn't see this until after he had divorced me.
The situation had gotten so intense between the two of us that we both took to drugs and alcohol to try to cope. Needless to say, that only made matters worse, but at the time, we weren't seeing that.
One night when we both had been out partying, we came home to bed and got into a huge argument over something really stupid. I was getting extremely angry because he was accusing me of something that I knew hadn't happened and he wouldn't be quiet about it.
So,in a fit of rage and without really realizing what I was doing, I tried to suffocate him with one of the bed pillows. He was too intoxicated to even fight it. Thank God, I realized what I was doing before it was too late and threw the pillow on the floor.
That was the night I knew I was suffering from something that was way bigger than me and that I needed help. I didn't seek help right away, unfortunately, and have since lost my husband to divorce.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Kim, and thanks for telling your story here. I don't know if you are seeking help anywhere else, but it's good that you're reacing out and making some effort. I will try to help.
First of all, if you're still drinking and doing drugs, that needs to stop before you can expect to get any benefit from any type of emotional healing work. Take a look at this page on alcohol abuse to learn more.
When you are clean and sober, or at least in a recovery process of some type, I suggest that you use the methods on this FAQ page to understand and heal your anger. These are powerful tools, Kim, but they only work if you use them enough to get the benefit they have to offer.
It's not a question of whether the process works, it's a question of whether you work. If you do the work, you will get the results you want. And you are worthy of this. make up your mind that you're going to do what it takes to create a happy, healthy life for yourself.
Believe in yourself. You can do this.
My very best to you,
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